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“Go On, Off You Fuck”, Queen Tells Coronavirus

Covid-19 can go and eat a bag of dicks, the Queen has said in a rare speech to the nation.

“Go on, off you fuck,” the Queen told the virus in her inspiring televised address.

The speech has given comfort to millions of people around the world who were struggling to make sense of the virus.

“What a pathetic little piece of shit you are,” she said. “That’s right. Toddle off. Off you go. Fuck off. All the way off. Keep going. We’re done with you now. The adults will take over from here,” she said.

The Queen said we had faced challenges before. “You’re not special. No-one will give a shit when you’re gone. You know where the door is. We won’t miss you sweetheart. Go on, jog on”.

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