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‘Everyone Just Needs To Relax’, Say 2,000 Beachgoers Who Will Be Dead By April

Everyone is taking this whole corona thing way too seriously, 2,000 people who took to Bondi Beach for the last time in their lives, said yesterday.

Sydney man Liam Timms who heads down to Bondi for a surf most days, said nothing was going to stop him catching up with mates at the beach.

“I’m not going to just totally change my life to avoid some sort of flu,” said the man whose life is about to totally change, and then end.

He said he couldn’t wait to stop hearing everyone talking about the virus, a wish will be granted at some point before Easter.

British tourist Bianca Annesley said she had been waiting her whole life to come to Bondi. “I can die happy now,” she said, unaware that she will die, but not happily, in just a few weeks.

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