People have flocked to packed supermarkets around the country, eager to pick up a case of COVID-19.
Hordes of sweating, panting shoppers pushed through shopping aisles heaving with humanity, in the hope of picking up some extra toilet paper and coronavirus.
“I just want to be prepared if we need to go into lockdown,” shopper John Hannity said. “I’ve got 40kg of flour and two pallets of rice. But then I remembered I haven’t got a single trace of COVID 19. So I headed down to the shops to get some of that as well”.
Many shoppers have been getting up before dawn to join queues of hundreds of other coughing, snotty-nosed shoppers, in the hope of picking up the virus early.
“I just don’t want to miss out,” shopper Bev Sampson said. “This could be the last chance we get to contract coronavirus before we’re confined to our homes, so I wanted to make sure I gave myself the best chance”.
She said she had been to four different packed supermarkets today looking for any signs of the virus.
She said despite the panic, the mood was mostly one of generosity. “I saw a lot of people giving their coronavirus to people who didn’t have it, so that’s nice”.
Supermarkets are now considering restricting COVID-19 to one infection per shopper.