Outgoing Westpac chief Brian Hartzer has asked regulators if it would be ok to settle their impending fine for money laundering with a half dozen briefcases filled with $100 notes.
A spokesperson for the bank said they were willing to cooperate with the regulator’s demands, and were looking to get this all cleared up as soon as possible.
“Jimmy from accounts can get this all sorted out very quickly. Meet us at the bus stop near Martin Place at 9pm tomorrow night. No weapons”.
The spokesperson – who ‘works in construction’ – told regulators the notes would be untraceable. “They’re clean mate. Everything’s there. This is the quickest way to get the cash to you”.
Westpac has also announced it will phase out the ‘briefcase of unmarked bills’ option on its ATMs next year, due to ‘changing consumer expectations’.