This week it was revealed that the Morrison government paid $190,000 to receive advice from empathy consultants. The Shovel can now reveal exclusive further detail about the training – seven empathetic phrases Scott Morrison will use from now on when trying to relate to voters.
1.“The future of our planet sounds very important to you. How good are baseball caps?”
2. “It must be so desperately heartbreaking to have a tacky used car salesman as your Prime Minister.”
3. “I know what it’s like to live through a drought. I was at a pub once where they totally ran out of beer!! Get it? Beer! I like to drink beer!”
4. “I cry when I hear stories of people like you, forced to flee a war-torn country, only to be locked up on a small island. I just wish there was something I could do.”
5. “I’m so sorry to hear you lost your job last week due to Labor’s debt and deficit disaster seven years ago.”
6. “It’s ok to be scared about the state of the world. I shit myself too sometimes. Specifically at Engadine Maccas in 1997”.
7. “I know what it’s like to live on $40 a day. Well, not really, but I know someone who knows what it’s like to live on $40 a day. Well, not really, but I spent $40 on a carton of tinnies once. Well, not really – I just say that because it makes me sound relatable. Go Sharkies!”
Did you know? Paying for investigative journalists to report from all corners of the country is expensive. Luckily we don’t do that. Still, things like website hosting and eating do cost money. So if you liked this article, consider chipping in $3. That’s the cost of three coffees (or an hour’s wage) at 7-Eleven. Donate $3.