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Morrison Delays Calling Election, To Give His Team Another Chance To Fuck It Up

Without a single scandal since Tuesday’s federal budget, Prime Minister Scott Morrison says he needs to give his government more time to implode again before he is willing to call an election.

“The longer we wait, the more chance there is that someone will blatantly misuse their expenses, illegally leak an ASIO document or get caught banging their staffer,” Mr Morrison said.

 “This is the Coalition Government that people have come to know, and that’s what they want to see more of. I’m not going to mess with that now”.

Morrison has until next Monday to call an election, but cautioned against rushing to the polls. “We haven’t even had a chance to award a dodgy $400 million contract to some shell company in Kangaroo Island yet this week. Cool your jets”.

The PM said his team were gearing up for campaign mode, but needed more time to make dicks of themselves.

“It’s been well over a week since Tony Abbott released a dumb-as-shit video calling for the upgrade of a toilet block in Manly, or discovering a post box for the first time. We simply need more time”.


With Dave Graham

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