British PM Theresa May has brokered a new deal with Europe that would see Britain leave the EU completely, but retain the right to incessantly complain about how unfair the deal is.
In a speech to Parliament, May said that it was a deal that all Britons would be happy with. “I’ve always said that some things are not negotiable, and giving up our right to whinge about how we’ve been shafted by the EU – even though we voted for it – was never on the table. That’s our sovereign right,” she said.
“What this deal does is allow us to give up all the benefits of the common market, just like we asked for, and then also bang on about how bad a deal it is”.
May said the agreement represented a compromise that benefited all parties. “The EU will get billions of euros in compensation from us. We’ll get to have a moan about being hard done by for the next ten years. It’s a win win”.
Bristol man John Bickford summed up the mood in Britain, saying he was thrilled with the new deal. “I voted to leave the EU and it’s totally unfair that we’ll now miss out on all the benefits of being in the EU”.