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BREAKING: Bill Shorten Wins Liberal Leadership Spill

Bill Shorten has won the Liberal Party leadership ballot, it has emerged.

Mr Shorten emerged victorious in a crowded field which included self interest, mayhem, and absolute fucking madness.

Announcing the result, government whip, Nola Marino, said there can only be one winner. “Bill Shorten is clearing the winner here, and by quite some margin I’d say”.

Mr Shorten will take up his position as Prime Minister in the coming months. Scott Morrison has agreed to play a caretaker role until then.

More to follow.

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