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Sickly, Fading Plastic Shopping Bag Told It Only Has 10,000 Years To Live

Feeling broken and past its prime, a supermarket shopping bag was today given just 10,000 years to live.

In an emotional statement to family and friends, the bag said its best days were behind it. “I’ve had a good run – I was used a couple of times,” it said, reminiscing about that one time he was used to carry shopping.

“My handles are ripped, I have a hole in my bottom. I’ll be lucky to see it through to 12,018,” it said.

The bag said it would spend the rest of this year in a kitchen cupboard before seeing out his final 9,999 years in a Pacific Ocean care home with other old plastic bags.

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