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AMP Replaces CEO With Pokie Machine: ‘It’s About Fairer Outcomes for Our Customers’

Financial services giant AMP has made a “Where’s The Gold” pokie machine it’s new CEO in a bid to drastically improve its current money management strategies.

Following the banking Royal Commission’s discovery that AMP charged investors ‘fees for no services’, the AMP board of directors appointed the pokie machine as part of a new ‘fee for potential services’ model.

The board today issued a statement to its shareholders and customers saying: “We’re committed to providing our investors with more chances to make back their money than ever before.

“Fairness, transparency and getting three recommended products in a row to unlock the bonus feature – that’s what this is all about.”

When asked for comment, the new CEO yelled, “Yeeeeeeha!” before making an explosion noise and directing further enquirers to “Findo the Dog”.


By Vivienne Mitchell 

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