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88% Of Relationships Begun by Colliding into Person Holding Stack of Files, Research Finds

A decades long study by the University of California has found that 88% of all relationships are begun by colliding unexpectedly into a person holding a large stack of files.

“While nearly all of us meet our partners as we distractedly bump into them and their important paperwork, only 30% of couples begin courting after sharing a deep gaze as they clean up on the floor,” head researcher Dr. Dave Marrow said. “The remaining 70% of relationships are formed following a long, bitter, and incredibly adorable distaste for one another.”

The study also found a diverse breakdown in the demographics of these couples, including: 33% bad guys with a heart of gold, 23% uptight career women that need to learn fun, 28% loveable slobs who refuse to grow up, and 16% who are perfect women with jerk boyfriends.

When asked about the remaining 12% of relationships, Dr. Marrow replied, “We still don’t have conclusive data on that. As best we can tell they’re formed after some type of quid pro quo, such as posing as a fake couple or beginning a friends with benefits situation that’s doomed from the start.”


By Christian Malarsie

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