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Trump Promises To Protect America From Growing Threat Of Musical Theatre 

Donald Trump says he will use his presidency to curtail the real and present threat posed by singing theatre groups in period costume. 

In a speech today, the president-elect vowed to make America strong again. “When an aide told me that ISIS was planning future attacks and that Mike pence was booed at the theatre, I did what any strong leader would do. I asked, ‘which theatre?'”

He said he had a plan to stop further attacks, but that it was secret. “I’m not going to just tell the enemy my plan. But mark my words: never again will we be subjected to shock and sheer terror of being teased by a man in period costume. Not on my watch”.

Leaked intelligence papers point to another performance from the group, possibly as soon as tonight. 

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