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Abbott Makes Flag-Draped Pretend Security Announcement From His Kitchen

Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott this morning decorated his kitchen with a dozen of his favourite flags, before making a pre-prepared ‘address to the nation’ about the Death Cult.

Sources within the house say the speech went for more than ten minutes, and used as many as 23 words. “He delivered the speech by heart,” the source said.

Mr Abbott later ‘made a phone call’ to world leaders to provide his expert advice on combatting terrorism.

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