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Desperate Abbott To Reintroduce, Then Re-Scrap Carbon Tax

Prime Minister Tony Abbott has told colleagues he is the best man to scrap the carbon tax, which he will reintroduce tomorrow.

A frantic Mr Abbott pleaded with party room colleagues to keep him on as Prime Minister, saying only he could eliminate the python squeeze on the economy that he planned to introduce. “Tomorrow we will have a great big new tax on the economy, killing jobs, and stifling growth. Who will Australians look to to get rid of the toxic tax. Who will they trust?” he is believed to have said.

Mr Abbott pointed to focus group research from 2013 that clearly showed voters wanted Mr Abbott to scrap the carbon tax. “Australians didn’t want a carbon tax then, and they won’t want one tomorrow, you can be sure of that. But what is also clear is that they will want me in the position of Prime Minister, so I can get rid of this disastrous new tax”.

Whyalla will cease to exist from tomorrow morning.

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