Russian President Vladimir Putin has a cold, aides have confirmed. The biggest, toughest, best looking, most charismatic cold ever.
“This cold is more manly than any wimpy cold you’ve ever had,” a source close to Mr Putin said today. “Despite the exceptional size and masculine nature of the cold, Mr Putin has barely a scratch. Not even a red nose”.
The illness explains Mr Putin’s absence from public view for the past ten days, which led to rumours he may have died.
“Anyone who is concerned about Vladimir Putin shouldn’t be. He will tackle this cold head on. Without his shirt on. While riding a horse,” the source said.
Photos of Mr Putin fighting the cold will be released to the public shortly.