In an effort to calm growing tensions in the lead up to next month’s G20 Summit in Brisbane, the event’s organisers announced today that penis measurements will be included on name placards for all male delegates.
“A precise penile measurement will be displayed in bold type, just underneath the delegate’s name. It will be clearly visible to all other attendees, so there will be no misunderstandings and no need for delegates to get their penis out during meetings,” a spokesperson for the Summit said.
While care will be taken to provide accurate measurements, the spokesperson conceded there may be a need to make some ‘creative adjustments’ for some delegates, in order to avoid any unrest.
“There are a couple of delegates – a Russian one and an Australian one – who, if we were to use their actual measurements, could get a little upset. It’s not worth the hassle frankly, so we’ll just add a few zeros here and there, make sure they’re the biggest, and keep those individuals happy. I’m sure everyone else will play along”.
He also said shirts would be compulsory at all meetings.