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Government Looking For New Big Scary Thing

Cabinet will meet tomorrow to discuss available options for a new large scary thing, after the Great Big Scary Tax was successfully killed today.

While visibly relieved that the devastating attack on lamb prices and Whyalla will now cease, Prime Minister Tony Abbott acknowledged the importance to Australia of having a vaguely defined but deeply frightening thing to worry about.

“With Great Big Scary Tax dead and buried, and Illegal Maritime Arrival safely hidden in [redacted], we’re in danger of losing our sense of purpose,” he told Cabinet colleagues today.

Children’s cartoon characters, the internet and New Zealanders were all put forward as early ideas for potential replacements.

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