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University Fees To Rise To $100k, Or 28,000 ‘Middies’

The cost of attending university in 2017 will be the equivalent to a big night out, according to financial modelling.

The Treasury department made the calculation, using the commonly accepted measurement of a glass of beer in New South Wales.

“Yes fees will go up,” a Government spokesperson said. “But what we’re saying to new students is ‘spend a night off the booze during O Week, and the fees will take care of themselves’”.

Treasurer Joe Hockey welcomed the analysis, pointing out that forgoing an imported Cuban cigar once a semester was another way of looking at the cost.

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