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Paul Keating Almost Certainly The Best, Most Humble Prime Minister Ever, Says Paul Keating

Most of the significant human achievements of the past fifty years were the brainchild of Paul Keating, Paul Keating has revealed.

The stunning admissions came during a televised quiz show in which the former Prime Minister was a contestant.

A transcript of the quiz follows …

Quiz Master: Mr Keating, welcome to the show.

Paul Keating: Thank you, it’s good to be here.

QM: An easy one to start with. Who was responsible for the last 22 years of economic growth in Australia?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. And in China?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. Not everyone has benefited from the sustained economic growth. Who’s fault was that?

PK: Not Paul Keating’s.

QM: Correct. And when those people finally do benefit from the economic growth, that will be the work of?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. To science now. Who discovered the Higgs Boson Particle?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. And who invented those amazing Dyson hand dryers that dry your hands in under ten seconds?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. Australia’s victory in the first test in Brisbane would not have been possible without?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. My coffee this morning was watery and weak. Who was responsible for that?

PK: Bob Hawke.

QM: Correct. And the final question, who invented the internet?

PK: Paul Keating?

QM: No I’m sorry that’s incorrect. The answer was Malcolm Turnbull.

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