The UK could halve its national debt and almost triple its productivity if Brits didn’t spend so much time talking rubbish on the phone. That’s according to Prime Minister David Cameron who has been monitoring the nation’s phone calls in his spare time since taking up the top job.
“Put plainly, you people talk some absolute bosh,” Mr Cameron said in a speech yesterday, where he challenged the nation to lift the tenor of its phone calls.
“Just the other night Sam and I were monitoring some calls, as we like to do over a glass of wine on a Sunday, and some of the mindless prattle we heard was, frankly, embarrassing.
“One guy, for example, rings his wife up and says ‘where are you’, and she says ‘on the train’ and then – and I’m not making this up – he calls back not even a minute later and says ‘where are you now?’ and she says ‘still on the train’.
“I mean, it makes for entertaining listening while we’re tucking into a cheese platter and a Bordeaux at Number 10, but it’s not the type of dialogue that’s going to drag us out of a recession, is it?”
Mr Cameron said he was going to put the nation on a £45 monthly plan, to cut costs and encourage Britons to stick to only the most productive topics of conversation. “You get like 800 minutes included each month, so that should be more than enough”.