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Putin Divorces Wife, Marries Himself

Just a week after announcing his divorce from wife Lyudmila, Russian President Vladimir Putin has married himself in a glamorous ceremony in Moscow.

A close friend of the ex KGB agent said the relationship that Putin had with himself was a modern-day love story. “It was a very, very long courting period. But I could see the twinkle in Vlad’s eyes right from the start. You could just tell … the way he looked at himself, the way he always had a compliment at the ready to give himself, the way he’d leave little love notes for himself around the house. I think everyone except Vlad could see what was going on!”

A former Putin advisor, who is now spending time in prison, said there were days when the President couldn’t think of anything else. “Some days he’d say ‘can we just talk about Vladimir for a bit longer?’ He was definitely smitten”.

Ex wife Lyudmila said she was aware of the affair early on. “There was one of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded,” she said.

Sentiment about the marriage on the streets in Moscow was mixed. One Russian who didn’t want to be named, said she hoped Putin would have a long honeymoon. “Then maybe he’ll stop f*cking Russia for a while”.

Putin, who wore a loincloth and a hunting knife at the wedding ceremony, wowed guests by playing a Beethoven violin concerto on horseback while kicking a soccer ball.

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