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Concerns That “Obama Is Only Human” Claims May Actually Be Correct

The man who in 2009 won a Nobel Peace Prize using just an inspirational turn of phrase and apparently once fed an entire African nation with little more than a well-constructed simile, may be losing his superpowers.

That’s according to Washington insiders who say the charismatic leader hasn’t been himself in recent weeks and may actually be just a normal citizen with a clever vocabulary.

Sources say that on Friday when Obama tried to fly out of the Oval Office window (as he routinely does at the end of a day’s work), he simply fell into the garden below. Last week The President allegedly went to move a car that was parked in his car space, using just his hands, but couldn’t budge it, forcing him to pretend he was trying to change a tyre.

One aide said the problem seems to be getting worse: “All week he’s been walking around pointing his fingers at walls, but none of the spider-web stuff has been coming out like it usually does. It’s getting kinda embarrassing for him”.

The news, if true, is potentially disastrous for Democrats who had hoped Obama would use his second term to tighten gun laws, improve health care and raise taxes on the wealthy. “Without superhuman powers,” one Democrat staffer said, “that’s just f*cking impossible”.

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