A Victoria Racing Club spokesperson said the recent allegations of fixing and illegal betting in the sport will have absolutely no impact on attendance numbers this spring because no-one actually goes to the horse races to watch horses.
“We could run a bunch of goats out there and it wouldn’t make a toss of difference,” the spokesperson said. “Actually, that would bring costs down quite a bit. Remind me to look into that”.
Regular race-goer and self-styled fashionista Miranda Thwaites said she was unaware there were actually horses at the horse races. “I thought that was just an expression, you know, like going to watch the cricket. There are never actually any crickets there”.