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Outrage as Cleo Magazine tasked with conducting the 2016 Australian Census

A day after the first round of data from the 2011 Australian Census was released, it was announced that female magazine Cleo would be tasked with running the next national survey, to be held in 2016.

Cleo spokeswoman Belinda Harvey said the magazine was an obvious choice for the country’s most important statistical review. “We’ve been running surveys for young women for years. In this month’s edition alone we’ve got the ‘How do you rate in the bedroom? survey, the ‘Are you having enough sex?’ survey and the ‘How do you know if he really loves you’ survey. Extending this research know-how to the demographic, employment and religious characteristics of the entire country was the logical next step.

In a marketing coup, all Australians will be required to buy a copy of Cleo to fill out the Census, which will be contained in a special sealed section of the magazine. Harvey said people shouldn’t worry too much about having to shell out $7 to do the compulsory Census because “every reader will get a free gift with purchase as well as 36 fashion tips the major cosmetic brands don’t want you to know”.

“What I also love about this is the fact that readers will be able to find out straight away what type of person they are in relation to the rest of the nation. So, for example, if you’ve answered mainly ‘A’s’ on the census that’ll mean you’re a confident, sexually experienced female in her 30s. If it’s mainly ‘B’s’ you’re a bit shyer, but ready to explore new opportunities. While if you’ve answered mainly ‘C’s’ you’re a gay couple living in Darlinghurst. It’s instant demographic data like this that will help governments plan for Australia’s future.”

But John Botton from the Australian Bureau of Statistics is furious that his organisation has lost out on the 2016 gig. “This isn’t the Logies. This is a serious statistical operation. It’s ridiculous. I’m looking forward to the free gift though”.

The August 2016 Census edition of Cleo will be out in stores from April next year.

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