All posts tagged "satire"
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Child Born Into Welfare Dependency
In another example of the growing scourge of inter-generational welfare dependency, a London baby today joined its two siblings in a family entirely reliant on...
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Pauline Hanson Withdraws Support For Monarchy After Learning Kate Middleton Is In Labor
One Nation leader Pauline Hanson says she was shocked to learn today that the Duchess of Cambridge is a signed-up member of Australia’s main opposition...
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Kelly O’Dwyer Refuses To Tell Barista What Coffee She’ll Have This Morning
In an excruciating exchange at a Canberra café morning, Coalition minister Kelly O’Dwyer said she would not be drawn on whether she wanted a flat...
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Robots That Built IKEA Chair Now Divorced
Citing ‘irreparable differences’, a pair of Singaporean robots who famously built an IKEA chair last week, has divorced, after the couple attempted to assemble a...
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AMP Replaces CEO With Pokie Machine: ‘It’s About Fairer Outcomes for Our Customers’
Financial services giant AMP has made a “Where’s The Gold” pokie machine it’s new CEO in a bid to drastically improve its current money management...
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Commonwealth Bank Opens New Cemetery Branch, To Be Closer To Its Customer Base
Saying it was part of its ‘customer-first strategy’ Commonwealth Bank has announced the opening of a new branch in Melbourne General Cemetery – one of...
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Royal Commission Struggling To Pay Bank Participation Fees
The Government has been slugged with bank fees totalling $1.8 million as part of the Royal Commission – a charge the banks say is necessary...
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Australians Slowly Return To Regular Lives As Trinity Grammar Disaster Finally Resolved
Australians can at last move on and begin the healing process after the resolution of a two-week-long hair-cutting incident at a Melbourne school.
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Greens Announce Two New Policies – “Legalising Marijuana And I Can’t Remember The Other One”
Greens leader Richard Di Natale says his party will push to legalise cannabis and implement another policy that he can’t remember the details of right...
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Closing Ceremony: Peter Beattie Unreservedly Apologises To All 43 Attendees
Commonwealth Games Chairman Peter Beattie has spoken to each of the eighteen families who attended last night’s closing ceremony, apologising for the sub-standard event.
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Optus Launches New ‘Optus White’ Service
Telecommunications provider Optus has launched a new premium service called ‘Optus White’, a special offering available exclusively to customers of Anglo Saxon origin.
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Teenager Borrows Father’s Suit For Court Appearance
After being strongly advised by his mother that a hoodie and jeans would not cut it today, a Californian teen today arrived in court today...
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There Is Nothing Else You Can Help Us With Today, Nation Tells Call Centre Workers
“We know why we called”, the nation told call centre operators around the country today.
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Abbott Makes Pitch For Leadership Return, In Dazzling 400-Flag Press Conference
“I have what it takes to lead this nation again,” Tony Abbott told journalists today, backed by 400 of his most loyal flags.
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‘30 Newspolls In A Row Is The New 20 Newspolls In A Row’, Turnbull Says
Reaching 30 negative political surveys in a row these days feels the same as reaching 20 negative political surveys in a row back in 2015,...
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