Sport
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Everyone To Get A Go Playing For Australia This Summer, Cricket Australia Reassures Nation
Saying he was aware of those who hadn’t yet had a turn, Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland said all Australians would get a go at...
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South Africa Skilfully Exploits Aussies’ Weakness: Cricket
South Africa has convincingly won the second test in Hobart after doggedly honing in on Australia’s Achilles heel – batting, bowling and fielding.
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All Australians To Be In Bed By 9:30pm Tonight, Kitty Chiller Advises
Australians must be in their beds, teeth cleaned, by no later than 9:30pm the nation’s Olympics chief Kitty Chiller has advised.
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World’s Top Triple-Jumpers Snub Olympics In Favour Of Lucrative Local League Contracts
In a blow for triple jumping fans, some of the sport’s biggest stars will miss the Rio games, in another example of local club loyalties...
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Phelps Released Back Into Ocean
Saying he was ‘ready to go home’, a group of trainers today released Michael Phelps back into the wild today after more than 15 years...
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Amazing! Olympian Competes Without A Backstory
In an stunning example of overcoming adversity, Australian swimmer Marty Campbell has contested a 100m Olympic freestyle heat without a single inspirational story about the obstacles...
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World Enters Two-Week Period When Throwing Heavy Concrete Ball Deemed Normal
Twirling around in a circle and throwing a 7kg ball as far as you can while wearing a Lyrca suit is not weird at all,...
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Stunning! Opening Ceremony Ends With Spectacular Outbreak Of Zika Virus
Spectators called it ‘awe-inspiring’, athletes described it as ‘infectious’. The thirty-first Olympic Games opening ceremony ended in spectacular fashion with a dazzling outbreak of the...
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Aussies Totally Transform Olympic Village, In Biggest House Reveal Yet!
Working around the clock, and on a wafer-thin budget, Australia’s Olympic team has converted an old, cramped Rio bedroom into a palatial Manhattan-style loft apartment.
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Eddie McGuire To Dust Off Heartfelt Apology He Gave Last Month
Changing the word ‘racist’ to ‘sexist’, and ‘last Friday’ to ‘last Sunday’, media personality Eddie McGuire has given his apology template a nip and tuck before...
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Jarryd Hayne To Take Nick Kyrgios’s Spot And Pursue Dream Of Playing Olympic Tennis
Former NRL, NFL and Fijian 7s star Jarryd Hayne has jumped at the opportunity to fill Nick Kyrgios’s spot on the Australian Olympic tennis team,...
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New Safety Briefing To Remind Passengers To Check For Grant Hackett Before Take Off
Passengers on Virgin flights from today will be told to familiarise themselves with their nearest Grant Hackett, remembering it may be behind them.
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Sharapova Forced To Hand Back Her Australian Open Loss
Russian tennis star Maria Sharapova has been ordered to relinquish her quarter final Australian Open failure, following a positive drug test.
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Nine New Marsh Relatives Brought In To Bolster Australian One Day Squad
Chief Australian cricket selector Rod Marsh has announced sweeping changes to the one-day squad after a humiliating 159-run defeat at the hands of the Kiwis yesterday.
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Mitchell Pearce: “Dog Was Dressed Inappropriately, Asking For It”
Sydney Roosters player Mitchell Pearce has hit back at claims he sexually assaulted a dog, saying the Maltese terrier knew what it was getting into.
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