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BREAKING: All Mass Gatherings Banned From Monday, As Soon As Hillsong 2020 Sydney Conference Finishes
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has taken decisive action against the growing COVID-19 threat, implementing a mass gathering ban that will
World Relieved That Level-Headed, Compassionate Leader In Charge During Biggest Crisis In A Generation
The world has breathed a sigh of relief after remembering that the man charged with leading the earth’s most powerful
Local Man Surprised To Learn About This New ‘Washing Your Hands’ Thing
Perth man Trevor Seacliff says he is willing to give the new ‘washing your hands’ craze a try after hearing
Local Introvert Prepares For Coronavirus By Self-Isolating For Last 20 Years
Sydney man Kyle McKenzie says he has been preparing for the COVID-19 epidemic since 2001, cleverly avoiding crowds and public
Condolences Flow In, After Fans Learn Tom Hanks Was On The Gold Coast
Fans around the world have sent their thoughts and prayers to Tom Hanks, after it was revealed the actor and
Morrison To Stimulate Economy With An Extra $200 Million For Whatever Racket Angus Taylor’s Into Right Now
Saying it was important to target the most vulnerable sectors of the economy, Scott Morrison today unveiled a $200 million
Man Who Has Runny Nose And Fucking Hates His Job Pretty Sure He Has Coronavirus 
A Melbourne man who woke up with a bit of a sniffle and an ongoing hatred of his job, feels
Scott Cam Just Demolished His Reputation On Live TV. Now 5 Lucky Couples Get To Rebuild It!
In a new twist on reality TV favourite The Block, host Scott Cam has completely demolished his own reputation, ready
Morrison Calls In Marketing Mates To Help Rebrand Upcoming Deficit
The Coalition Government will not deliver a deficit this year as widely predicted, and will instead oversee a ‘Surplus 2.0’,
People Are Panic-Buying Shovel Memberships And If You Don’t Buy One Now You Might Miss Out!
Hello Shovel reader, You’ve probably heard by now that there’s been a huge rush on Shovel memberships over the last
5 Great Toilet Paper Recipes For Idiots Who Forgot To Buy Food 
You’ve contracted coronavirus, you’ve been told you need to self-isolate for 14 days, and instead of buying things you actually
Trump Says He Will Travel To Coronavirus Soon To Help Out With Crisis There
US President Donald Trump says the US is willing to provide whatever support the people of Coronavirus need to help
Hawaii Has Recorded Its First Case Of Coronavirus And Scott Morrison’s Plans For Next Week Are Now Totally Fucked
Scott Morrison’s plans to piss off to Hawaii next week are in disarray, after the US state recorded its first
Crossword #6 – Toilet Paper Armageddon
Just like the Times Crossword, but with more questions about dunny paper. You can play our other crosswords here. We choose
Scott Morrison Starts Panic-Buying Pina Coladas, As Fears Of Travel Ban Grow
Fearing he may not get to Hawaii again this year, the Prime Minister has cleared the rum, coconut milk and