Satan has announced plans to shift Hell’s HQ to Sydney, saying conditions there are more favourable.
“Our vision has always been to create a place where people can come to feel uncomfortable, so Sydney is perfect,” Satan told journalists today.
“One of the things that’s always bothered me about the current location is that it’s virtually possible to breathe. Our residents won’t have that problem in Sydney”.
He said the current Hell headquarters and Sydney had a lot in common. “On the one hand you have this dystopian shitshow of smoke, fire and anguish, and then you have Hell which is very similar, although the rent is a little more affordable”.
Satan said there were other benefits of moving the headquarters to Sydney. “It’s difficult to get around, which I love. And we’ll be just a stone’s throw from Hillsong Church, which is where we source a lot of our residents”.
By Terry Beular