Belle Gibson’s Top 5 Cancers For The New Financial Year

belle gibson cancers

Medical guru Belle Gibson shares the malignant tumours to be seen out and about with this season, along with the perfect new-age diet to pair it with.

 

Breast Cancer

Sexy, sassy and a perennial favourite amongst the terminal illness set, expect to see this iconic cancer everywhere this spring.

Match it with a cauliflower-only cleansing diet and watch the likes and followers skyrocket!

 

Brain Cancer

Brave, bold, and a little provocative, this is the cancer that will get lips wagging at your next social function. I wouldn’t be caught dead with anything else!

Up the talkability stakes by matching your brain cancer with a daring 3/7/1 diet. Don’t know what that is? Neither do I. Audacious!

 

Prostate Cancer

One for the guys, this cancer is equally at home in the boardroom or on the building site.

Complement your cancer with a raw-meat diet and a charity campaign. Start counting those dollar bills!

 

Leukaemia

Youthful, fresh, bright and inspiring, this is the must-have cancer for hot young trend-setters this season.

Versatile enough to match with a simple cleanser diet or a more complex carb regime, this is a sure fire way to your next book deal.

 

Stage Four Lung Cancer

By brining your own style to this old-school classic, you’re sure to impress your friends and publishing agents.

Highlight the full richness of your new-found cancer with a wheat-free wonder diet, and complete with a trademarked app.

 

Complete the look. A melanoma goes with just about anything these days, so mix and match for that total cancer look. I’ll be heading to Spring Racing Carnival this year with a fresh leukaemia diagnoses and a pithy anecdote about and a discoloured neck mole. Hot!

This article first appeared in The Chaser’s Anti-Expert Guide To Everything