“She Quit Her Job, Now This #GirlBoss Makes $23 a Fortnight”

bullshit diet

“If you can’t eat it, don’t wear it”.

That’s the motto of plucky local woman Joyce Chambers, who gave up her high paying job as an actualisation consultant to turn her passion for “science-free” beauty and fashion products into a reality. 

In late 2014, armed with a can-do attitude, a repurposed pillowcase brimming with ingredients she dumpster dived from the skip behind a local deli, and a recipe she screenshotted from the comments section of a Pete Evans post, Joyce quietly got to work designing her new range.

“When I told people I was quitting my $120k a year job to pursue my personal dream of running an Instagram shop even though I have no experience in making products, advertising, or business, they thought I was mad,” the savvy fempreneur told The Shovel.

How wrong they were.

Now, just three years later, Joyce is the proud owner of a business that has garnered over $600 in gross profit and 343 devoted Instagram fans who are definitely not robots.

Her unprecedented range of gluten-free breast ointments, sentient pumice stones and bespoke coconut oil tampons (they just slide right in!) has, however, sparked criticism in some circles.

“A lot of people come to me and they say, ‘Joyce, your products are untested. You can’t back up any of your claims.’ But they’re just haters. There’s a really big hole in the market for less science and more nature. Like, how many scientists do you see walking around with jackets made entirely from rare fungi?” she quipped, defiantly biting down her jacket collar.

And, while some critics have dubbed Joyce’s sales figures “abysmal”, the perky business owner is confident that the only thing holding her back is a low-vibrating lunar cycle and a customer base that has not fully embraced “ego death” and is therefore not “woke” enough to appreciate her unique offering.

Drawing inspiration from her personal heroes – Athena X and Tony Robbins – Joyce has also taken the bold step of self-nominating for a slew of business awards, including the coveted “Insta Boss Babe of the Year Challenge”.

“Sure, there was a three figure entry fee, but that’s a small price to pay for finally getting the recognition my brand deserves,” she said.

Winners of the lucrative competition will be announced via the @l4lgetf0llowerznow page at some point in the future.