Pardoned Presidential Turkey Says It Would Prefer To Just End It Now

The turkey pardoned by President Obama today as part of traditional Thanksgiving festivities has told journalists it would’ve preferred to have called it a day now.

“The next four years aren’t exactly looking great, are they? Let’s just pull the pin now,” the turkey said.

He said his fellow turkeys, which will end up on tables around the country this week, would ‘avoid a lot of bullshit and heartache’.

In a positive sign for the turkey, Donald Trump said today he would immediately overturn Obama’s pardoned turkey, tweeting that the current president made the wrong choice. “It’s corruption, plain and simple. So sad. Day one, that turkey’s gone,” he tweeted.