The Almighty Father couldn’t give two shits which humans want to sign a piece of paper outlining their commitment to each other, it has been revealed.
In a wide-ranging interview about his work, which briefly touched on humanity, God said he really couldn’t care less what people do. “I literally don’t give a shit. I’ve got a million other things to worry about right now, and that’s just on Pluto. Next question please.”
Pressed further on the issue, God became visibly frustrated, saying he had only allowed time for one question per species. “Sorry, explain it again. Two humans want to be recognised by some law that you’ve made up and you’re bringing me into this? You guys crack me up”.
Reminded that there was a passage in the Bible that warned against homosexuality, God laughed. “I also said you shouldn’t cut the corners of your beard. But you guys don’t take that stuff seriously do you?”