Fax Machines Are Our Future, Says Abbott

Tony Abbott

Prime Minister Tony Abbott today opened a new fax machine factory in Melbourne’s west, saying the telecommunications devices were ‘friends of humanity’.

“Fax machines have been a big part of our past, and they’ll be a big part of our future, both here in Australia, and around the world” Mr Abbott said.

“Telecommunications will continue to underpin economies of the 21st century, and faxes will remain the world’s principal telecommunications device for decades to come”.

He said the new factory would put Australia at the forefront of fax-based technology. “Not only will this new facility create jobs. It will help Australia become known as leaders in the field”.

When questioned about whether other new technologies – like scanners, or even email machines – may be a better focus for Australian investment, Mr Abbott said, “You’ve obviously never used a fax machine. It quite literally prints out a replicate of a document you have in your hands on another fax machine across the other side of the country”.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter


  1. Emmjay

    October 14, 2014 at 7:57 am

    What will he ever think of next ? Carbon paper ?

    Classic, Shovel ! Dig ever deeper !

  2. Tomo

    October 14, 2014 at 8:19 am

    Plus, look at the colour of the printing on a FAX. It’s black! And you know what that means don’t you? That means it’s made out of carbon, which coal is also made out of. So there’s a sink… a sinc… a synch… a synchro… they both go together.

  3. Maybe Satire

    October 14, 2014 at 8:39 am

    Sorry – distracted from Mr Abbott’s innovative and futuristic thinking by my anticipation of Mr Abbott shirtfronting Vlad – should be a good contest But I am disappointed that a NSW lad should have chosen an AFL shirtfront over a good old fashioned Rugby tackle.

    I thinking of faxing him a complaint!

    • Mark Burley

      October 14, 2014 at 9:34 am

      Agree Maybe Satire, I think a decent coat hanger should be Tony’s present to Vlad. They’re both pretty macho blokes, Vlad will love it.

    • Emmjay

      October 14, 2014 at 10:22 am

      Mental picture of Tony with a pair of oversized boxing gloves and satin shorts confronting Vlad in his hunting gear with an AK-47. I’m taking bets on who will need to change his shorts first.

      • E Giles

        October 14, 2014 at 2:11 pm

        Putin is the Ex head of the KGB and he would have had years of unarmed combat training
        He could kill him with one hand
        About is just proving to the world what an absolute goose he is and
        I seem to remember a Labor leader who was lambasted for
        saying a US president “Was the most dangerous and incompetent president they ever elected well we now have the most stupid and incompetent PM we have ever elected
        Sadly we and the rest of the world are stuck with these fully retarded individuals for the better part of 2 more years

  4. Dean

    October 14, 2014 at 9:38 am

    I’m surprised he didnt use two tinned ham tins and a long piece of string due to the fiscally responsible position taken by this Gov’t

    • Maybe Satire

      October 14, 2014 at 2:30 pm

      2 cans and a string: Sorry – that is a door-to-door solution and outside the parameters of the current NBN. Australians don’t want that kind of speed.

      • Bungy

        October 14, 2014 at 7:40 pm

        And you win. Lovely riposte.

  5. Michelle

    October 14, 2014 at 10:11 am

    New-fangled fax machines – what will they think of next? Maybe boards to do your ironing on, or zips or kettles. Perhaps if you go out and forget your head you can get your wife to fax it to you.

  6. Squirrel

    October 14, 2014 at 10:13 am

    What about telex machines? They were what we used before email. Also, those copiers we used before photocopiers came along. They were Banda machines in England but I think they were called Roneo machines in Australia. Anyway, they used a mixture containing methylated spirits and the print was purple. By the way, didn’t the printed sheets smell good? Actually, we should start to manufacture those machines again because you hand-cranked them so when the cost of electricity becomes too high, we could go back to that method. Manual typewriters would also be a good move. Look into it, Tony. Way to go!

    • Emmjay

      October 14, 2014 at 11:09 am

      Thanks Squirrel, for reminding me of the wonderful small of Roneo ink and metho. I think it was what made getting a job in a spray-painting booth so attractive. It’s a topic often discussed over at the Pig’s Arms – that and the taste of Clag Glue and Perkin’s Paste – for those discreet in-class stationery snacks.

    • Lorraine

      October 15, 2014 at 6:39 pm

      Love it! How true……..(I can remember all of these items mentioned so we must be the same good vintage.)
      Perhaps we could re-energise the transport industry by building more carriages for horses to pull – hey, that’s the way of the future too!!

      • Squirrel

        October 15, 2014 at 7:35 pm

        Yes, and we can use the manure from the horses to grow our vegetables. Good thinking, Lorraine. Send a carrier pigeon to Tony to let him know.

  7. Norm

    October 14, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    He probably makes that assumption given that fax machines work at they same speed as the Liberal’s version of the National Broadband Network.

  8. lord Forcryingoutloud

    October 14, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    Did his spin Doctors write his script again or was it a Captain Call Captain Superknob

  9. Edan Chapman

    October 14, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    So THAT’S why Abbott wants to log Tasmania. It all makes sense!

  10. Ange Kenos

    October 14, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    I have been saying this for three years plus. Watch out as he will replace lap tops in schools with personal chalk boards. Unless he can find a new source for clay tablets

  11. Alan Gresham

    October 14, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    Commenters are reading this satirical work of fiction, working themselves into a frenzy over it – and then calling HIM stupid?

    p.s. The Shovel, fix your link to the Age article – it has extra stuff on the end of it.

    • The Shovel

      October 14, 2014 at 5:30 pm

      Thanks, should be fixed now.

    • Maybe Satire

      October 14, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      Alan, I am truly frenzied but never would I call our mighty leader stupid. I am in awe of his ability to slice through complex diplomatic issues by the use of a good-old fashioned shirtfronting.

      How can one underestimate the depth of his analysis on climate change as evidenced by his advocacy of coal – the chosen energy source of all the truly wise?

      Truly he is the suppository of all wisdom and every morning I look at my poster of him on my wall and thank heaven that he is keeping us safe from ISIS and Ebola – just to prove this I have not meet any Ebola-infected IS terrorists since he gained power – unlike the way they were on every street corner under the previous regime.

      I feel safe from education, a free press and any responsibility towards those less fortunate than myself (such as refugees or “leaners”).

      No Mr Abbott is not stupid but maybe I am for still laughing?

      • Squirrel

        October 15, 2014 at 7:42 pm

        Thanks, Maybe Satire. I always appreciate your posts. No, you are not stupid for still laughing. If we didn’t we would probably cry! By the way, does anyone else have the problem of answering overseas family members and friends questions about our political situation? Sometimes they think I’m joking when I am reporting actual events and comments. My brother is still laughing about the “suppository of all wisdom” remark by our PM.

      • Emmjay

        October 16, 2014 at 8:58 am

        Squirrel, the “suppository of all wisdom” line really put Tony right up there with other quintessential deadshits 🙂

  12. maddie k

    October 14, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    This is actually so funny.

  13. Your Mom

    October 14, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    STOP THE PRESS! The PM announces the new NBN plan. By 2020 the entire network will be connected with coaxial cabling…this will be an economic boost for Australian coaxial cable manufacturers…

  14. Naomi

    October 14, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    #morsecode I am sure that is going to trend lets all start tweeting!!!!!

  15. Len

    October 14, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    Look go easy on the poor bloke – once again he’s only parroting what Peta has told him to say and he was damn sure she told him him they make FACTS machines … you bet you will

  16. Concerned

    October 15, 2014 at 2:39 am

    This guy makes George Bush Jnr look like Einstein. This guy had “TOOL” written all over him during elections and this just verifies it even further. Whats the bet that he will come out shortly and say “Australia has 1 of the best internet Infrastructures in the world” ? What a tool.

  17. Narralakes

    October 15, 2014 at 7:35 am

    Ans he’s taking us into the future, we’ll all be safe now, if you were not sure before, be reassured now

  18. Nerissa Marcon

    October 15, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    This is just too funny. I can’t stop laughing!

  19. abc

    October 15, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    Is this a joke?

    • Mary

      October 16, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      “The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter. “

  20. Wineman

    October 16, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Just checked my calendar! Nope…definitely NOT April 1st. But surely it’s not true! WHAT?….REALLLLY? He DID say it? Wow. Just when you think this ‘dickhead’ couldn’t get any dickier…..he got dickier!

  21. Chrissy

    October 17, 2014 at 1:05 am

    MORON !!

  22. Profeesor

    October 17, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Come on people it is obvious that the pm has been travelling back to the future and has been over working the flux capacitor.

    • Emmjay

      October 17, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      Well, Prof, Tony’s certainly overworking my reflux capacity.

  23. melody hampton

    October 17, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    Has Tone ever heard of the diskfax?That would blow his luddite brain.

  24. Simon

    October 23, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Who the fax faxes anymore?
    Only Sir Abbottalot and his mandate , Joe Hockme!