Penis Size To Be Included On Name Placards At Upcoming G20 Summit

G20 Summit

In an effort to calm growing tensions in the lead up to next month’s G20 Summit in Brisbane, the event’s organisers announced today that penis measurements will be included on name placards for all male delegates.

“A precise penile measurement will be displayed in bold type, just underneath the delegate’s name. It will be clearly visible to all other attendees, so there will be no misunderstandings and no need for delegates to get their penis out during meetings,” a spokesperson for the Summit said.

While care will be taken to provide accurate measurements, the spokesperson conceded there may be a need to make some ‘creative adjustments’ for some delegates, in order to avoid any unrest.

“There are a couple of delegates – a Russian one and an Australian one – who, if we were to use their actual measurements, could get a little upset. It’s not worth the hassle frankly, so we’ll just add a few zeros here and there, make sure they’re the biggest, and keep those individuals happy. I’m sure everyone else will play along”.

He also said shirts would be compulsory at all meetings.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter


  1. Tim

    October 13, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    Well now that Putin is going to be “shirt fronted” by Toned Abs, I am sure he is soiling his trousers.

    Maybe Putin and Abbott should hug and see who gets an erection first!

  2. Len

    October 14, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Considering Tony was a boxer and Vladimir is a judo guru, I figured a cage fight would be suitable for some g20 entertainment.

  3. Brian Harry

    October 20, 2014 at 6:21 am

    Len, don’t worry about the cage fight, just let them have a masturbating competition and see who comes first…………..

  4. Brian Harry

    October 20, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Luckily for these posturing clowns, there are no African nations attending…………………..

  5. Margaret

    November 2, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Maybe they should sit on their heads with their arses up in the air they talk shite any how. And plenty rolls of toilet paper 3 ply please.

  6. Andrew (Andy) Alcock

    November 9, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    Like many others, I know the G20 Summit will not be taking world issues very seriously because it is really a huge talk fest for capitalists who are trying to dream up more ways of exploiting more people and their resources.

    If the length of a certain male appendage is going to be included on name signs,presumably as an index of the potency of their speeches, I wonder what will be the index for female delegates?

  7. Mick Hardwick

    November 9, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    Women will have their cup sizes on their name cards.

  8. Kit T.

    November 16, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    So, what’s Angela Merkel’s penis size? Just curious. Dilma Rousseff? Cristina Fernandez? -_-