Nerf Gun Attack Foiled By Australia’s Federal Police

A large scale and well-planned attack in a suburban living room was shut down before it began today, after a raid by Australian Federal Police.

Dozens of weapons were seized – some automatic, others with battery powered lasers – as well as several magazines of brightly coloured bullets.

“This was to be a sophisticated attack, with sophisticated arsenal,” an AFP spokesperson said. “Some of the weapons we found had special glow-in-the-dark technology. Others were loaded with bullets that have the ability to stick to walls”.

It is believed the attack was designed in a nearby bedroom and was to be carried out in the living room, before moving into the kitchen. “We have intelligence to suggest it may have then moved into a study area where an innocent adult was sitting,” the spokesperson revealed.

The adult – who did not wish to be named – said she had witnessed, and survived, a similar attack before. “It all happened very quickly,” she said of the former attack. “There was a spray of bullets, a lot of shouting, and then they were gone. They didn’t even clean up afterwards,” she said.

The AFP have reminded Australians that it is important to remain alert, even though school holidays are now over.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire news service. For more breaking stories, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.

4 Comments

  1. Tomo

    October 8, 2014 at 9:20 am

    Reports are flooding in of similar incidents across the country. More news to …. aaaahhhh!!!!

  2. Maybe Satire

    October 8, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Are you sure that the Nerf Gun was made of plastic? The AFP has not confirmed it. “The AFP does not comment on ongoing investigations,” a spokeswoman said.

    Also the perpetrator has been rendered to Saudia Arabia for more robust questioning under Australia’s new terror laws and so we cannot comment on him. But with attacks like this, it is clear that we must be afraid.

    Be very afraid!

  3. Tom

    October 9, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    This is the best description of policy development in the L-NP party room. I think they mite have had a to many fizzy drimks and aunty Bromwyn

  4. myxer

    October 13, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    Also – those slappy hands that stick to the fridge – sure to some of those there somewhere.