Labor Party To Close Down Until After Iraq War

labor to close down

The Australian Labor Party will be packed into a sturdy box and placed in a casual storage facility until the conclusion of the current war in Iraq, it was revealed today.

The ALP made the decision after it became apparent that it was serving no particular purpose at this point in time.

On hearing the news, Prime Minister Tony Abbott said, “Until this war concludes, we’ll just have two parties saying the same thing, so it makes sense to put one away for now”.

Labor leader Bill Shorten later released a statement saying “Until this war concludes, we’ll just have two parties saying the same thing, so it makes sense to put one away for now”.

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41 Comments

  1. Maybe Satire

    September 24, 2014 at 8:48 am

    This is incredibly unfair the two parties are heavily differentiated. Just two examples:

    On terrorism –
    Liberal policy: “Until otherwise notified, People accused of terrorist tendencies (i.e. opposing Liberal Party policy) will be assumed to be guilty and imprisoned indefinitely.”

    Labor policy: “For the indefinite future, People accused of terrorist tendencies (i.e. opposing Liberal and/or Labor Party policy) will be assumed to be guilty and imprisoned indefinitely.”

    On refugees –
    Liberal Party Policy: “Refugees attempting to enter Australia by boat will be sent to the Manus Island detention centre or similar and left to rot”
    Liberal Party Policy: “Refugees attempting to enter Australia by boat will be sent to the Manus Island detention centre or similar and humanely left to rot”

    The Labor Party offers a broad range of alternative policies – many of which have only 80% commonality of language with those of the Liberal Party. This just demonstrates the vibrancy of Australian democracy.

    • Arthur

      September 24, 2014 at 10:39 am

      It may be true, but the perception is that Labour, and in particular Bill Shorten is Abbott’s yes man.

      There is a rock solid argument to be made that with our involvement in this war, we are in fact INCREASING our security risk, not decreasing. That will play well in Abbott’s favour, and Shorten has swallowed the bait hook line and sinker.

      Unfortunately you can’t blame anyone but labour itself. Which is a shame as there is so much to fight this government on and they are wasting the opportunity.

      • Daniel Rubenach

        September 24, 2014 at 11:47 am

        Arthur, your response hold’s little authority when you cannot even spell the “Labor” Party’s name correctly.

      • Rivyn

        September 24, 2014 at 5:14 pm

        and your ignorance is astounding Daniel that you did not consider that Labour is an acceptable and alternative spelling in other parts of the world. While we in Australia spell it without the U, other countries do not

      • Cheese

        September 24, 2014 at 5:45 pm

        Rivyn. No.

        Labour is the UK (Australian) english spelling for the word that means ‘work’.

        Labor is how it is spelled in the ALP name, that is, the proper noun for the Australian Labour party.

        Apologies if you were trolling, I couldn’t tell.

      • Lukas

        September 26, 2014 at 7:01 pm

        Daniel Rubenach. The real question is do u give a shit about our country or are you here to discredit people by implying they are uneducated fools because they didnt learn to spell the English language as well as you. Give a shit if its spelt correctly. the point is made and your need to belittle someone for less than “stellar” grammar is noted. i understood it but i also understand there is a large demographic of Australia that have issues with literacy. Congrats on being entitled to a higher standard of education and no learning disabilities. Now go learn how to get past your superiority complex.

      • Tom

        September 26, 2014 at 9:31 pm

        In rejecting the need to intervene in Iraq with the rationale that we are increasing our own risk, do you believe the lives of Iraqis being pursued and murdered by IS, is not worth the risk of your own safety?

      • HonestMike

        September 30, 2014 at 10:15 am

        I’ve missed something here…
        Did you mean that difficult, often physical work, or the process of contractions and birth, is to blame for Shorten’s political failure?

        arther, witch Labor is it?

    • Maybe Satire

      September 24, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      Sorry I meant:

      Liberal Party Policy: “Refugees attempting to enter Australia by boat will be sent to the Manus Island detention centre or similar and left to rot”
      Labor Party Policy: “Refugees attempting to enter Australia by boat will be sent to the Manus Island detention centre or similar and humanely left to rot”

  2. Kristof Stevenson

    September 24, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    bill shorten’s getting the short end of the proverbial stick here.

  3. Jane Paterson

    September 24, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Daniel your response is shallow. There are many intelligent, thoughtful persons who don’t spell particularly well and many who do spell well who aren’t very deep thinkers. I am sure that doesn’t apply to yourself, but it would be good if you answered the argument rather than attacked the person.

    • Bob Lethbridge

      September 26, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      “Spelling is something with which no gentleman should concern himself”… it appears that the same applies to politicians thinking…

    • Louise

      September 27, 2014 at 4:19 pm

      Daniel wasn’t critical of general spelling – it was that the name of the ALP was wrong. Which I think matters.

      • Soozka

        October 16, 2014 at 4:27 pm

        Spelling:

        “labor” as in the Australian Labor Party – and as the American spelling of the word “labor” meaning “work”.

        “labour” as in the Labour Council of New South Wales – and as the Australian spelling of the word “labour” meaning “work”.

    • Liv

      September 29, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      If you know anything about politics or watch the news, you would know how to spell the Labor party. Lack of knowing implies complete ignorance to anything political.

      • Maybe Satire

        October 7, 2014 at 10:56 am

        What a bizarre argument, Liz. I have children who read books continuously but still misspell common words. Should I presume that they are not reading or just that he is reading for content not for spelling?

  4. Joey

    September 24, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Except no-one from the Labor party announced this on their newsletter and no major media outlet reported on this

  5. Fiona Mackie

    September 24, 2014 at 4:56 pm

    More to the point, Miss Jane, Daniel Rubenach is criticising someone who actually spelled the word correctly (if not as the political party spells it), whilst misusing an apostrophe in the word ‘holds’! Let he who is without sin chuck the first yonnie, I say!

  6. Kareb

    September 24, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    This is disgusting you are supposed to be working for the people not the LNP party …You want to buck up and toughen up Labor your becomming pathetic, and so full of it …Start fighting for the people of this country and we dont a war. So go figure..

    • HonestMike

      September 30, 2014 at 10:27 am

      Psssst! Kareb… yes, you Kareb.
      1. This is a news parody website.
      2. That’s just a photograph of Bill Shorten. He’s not actually up there, looking slightly past you, or in this thread of replies reading your views.
      3. Did you actually mean this:
      ‘This is disgusting. You are supposed to be working for the people, not for the LNP. You need to toughen up, Labor, as you’re becoming pathetic. Start fighting for the people instead. We don’t want to be involved in another war.’

      Hope that helps. 🙂

  7. joanne

    September 24, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    I do not want my children nor grandchildren to fight in a war. We need more social workers, better schools and more love and understanding to stop hatred. Simple TLC has never caused any harm. You never know the earth could crack in half and we end up with hundreds of sink holes… that’s what you should be worried about

    • Steve

      September 24, 2014 at 10:08 pm

      These guys are chopping the heads of of peace loving social workers. Someone needs to tell the bad guys that they are supposed to be loving and peaceful

    • BabeGrady

      September 26, 2014 at 12:26 am

      I strongly dispute the fact that TLC has never caused any harm. There’s a fine line between TLC and sticking your head in the sand. Sometimes TLC is making hard sacrifices. This is coming from one of the young men who would likely be sent to war. I may be biased, I have lived through the experience of committing a close family member to a psych ward indefinitely in the interests of preventing child abuse. When we’re talking beheadings, its a little past the TLC stage, its probably moved onto the part with straight jackets or more realistically bullets and boots.

  8. Justine Owen

    September 24, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    How did we get from labouring over the correct spelling of Labor (and why the hell should we follow the rest of the world’s appalling spelling?) to sìnk holes…instead of Picnic at Hanging Rock, we might be able have Picnic at Sinkhole No. 378…..hmmmm food for thought, particularly the final chapter. Signing off, rambled enough and hope more of you discuss the original subject for debate

  9. martin connolly

    September 24, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    Sad, I joined the Labor party before last year’s election to try and do anything to stop Abbott. Failed.
    Now Labor seem to agree with a lot of Abbott’s actions and there is little criticism at all.
    Last week I resigned from the Labor Party.
    They seem lost and we surely need some opposition to get Australia back to where it needs to be after Abbott is gone.
    Can’t see how Labor can do it, but there may be other options appearing.

    • Mary

      September 28, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      Martin Connolly, this article is satire. Not true.

  10. Mr Cranky

    September 25, 2014 at 12:14 am

    Shorten is as effective as a chocolate coffee pot.Time for him to step aside,or replace him in early 2015.

  11. Skinny

    September 25, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    Why are people suprised? Labor (or Labour) has long been agreeing with the LNP policies. In QLD they voted for VLAD, the sold public assets. I fail to see why this is news… not that I’m against ALP disbanding, maybe it will leave room for alternative ideas.

    The problem isn’t ALP or LNP but the people running it. Murdock, Packer and Palmer, until they are addressed no major party will truly stand for the people because they only care about profit.

    • BabeGrady

      September 26, 2014 at 12:32 am

      If the people started listening to something other than advertising dollars maybe the major parties would be more interested in what the people had to say? I have no sympathy or the average aperthetic Australian, life belongs to those who turn up. Rupert and the rest show up. They show up to party fundraisers and they help with party strategy. In fact they even start parties. If the average Australian starts doing all the above, maybe we’ll all have a little more choice.

  12. Bob Lethbridge

    September 26, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    We have an electoral system admirably suited to 1901. It is no longer 1901. Until we have a form of E-representation that eliminates the 3-year “mandate” crap, we have a disfunctional system. There is no need to disband the current structure; by doubling the number of seats in the house of reps, and adding an E-member to vote on all bills, we have some real-time accountability. Also, if the member for an electorate consistently votes against the E-electorate, they should be reviewed…

    • Will

      September 26, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      E-representation? With the internet controlled by ASIO? No thanks.

  13. Nikita

    September 26, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    You guys realise this is satire right..? Its not an actual news website…

  14. Christopher Hunt

    September 26, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    It never ceases to amaze me that labour supporters embraced。。。and。。now seem quite happy with Bill ( I shafted 2 prime ministers ) Shorten
    Oh well… each to their own.

  15. Mary

    September 28, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    Hello deep thinkers! You should read The Shovel’s “About” section. It says: “The Shovel is Australia’s satire news website. That means the stories on this site are made up. Yep, even the one about Vladimir Putin marrying himself. The exception is for stories about Clive Palmer. We don’t make those ones up. He does.

    If you like The Shovel, we suggest you follow The Shovel on Facebook or Twitter. We sometimes put additional stuff on there. Or, you can sign up for email alerts at the bottom of this page.

    You can contact The Shovel at [email protected]

    • Maybe Satire

      September 30, 2014 at 9:42 am

      Satire!??? And I have been basing my whole dinner conversation on stories from the Shovel – boy, do I feel silly now!

  16. Angie

    September 28, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Enuf with the spelling already 🙂

  17. Alan O

    September 28, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    The pic of Mr. Abbott with his arms partly raised is akin to a chicken trying to fly.

  18. Anon Aus

    October 1, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    This is the last straw in what is truly a constitutional crisis to dwarf the events of Whitlam’s dismissal. The Governor General should be dissolving this government if he intends to save his honor in unlawfully and unconstitutionally accepting his appointment as Governor-General. Fact of the matter is the crown is being sneakily removed from the laws of the Commonwealth and States, and replaced with the ‘state’ and unlawful republican entity as per the 1999 referendum. We have local councils in empowered by parliamentary act, in DIRECT DEFIANCE of the 1988 referendum, our government officials are usurpers, EVERY LAST ONE. Those whom don’t know in parliament shouldn’t be governing and should be charged, at the very least with negligence for operating their office in ignorance. ‘Ignorance of the Law is No Excuse’ especially for those whom enact and interpret it. Those whom know and do nothing are guilty of treason, conspiracy to alter the constitution and so on. These are serious crimes. Coupled with recent events in national security and coupled with the fact the Governor-General YET AGAIN is not properly documented, empowered and noted in the Royal Sign Manual, again contrary to the foundational rule of law establish in this country brought into effect in 1901. This affects every government official, and the only redress i can see is that the Governor General MUST publicly address the issue whilst also dissolving the rogue parliament in order for our government to retain their Honor. He must force the government to return to the constitution and come clean on all the duplicitous act’s like the Australia Act 1986 (both C’Wealth Act and Imperial UK Act). There is no other alternative, no other with the power to bring it about than the Governor-General. If the G.G. is aware of this and does nothing, the state have denied us remedy, and we must seek our own solution, or this country will die. If we must form our own solution, we may need resurrect so called ‘disempowered’ laws and sections of those laws like the magna carta. Yes it is that bad! We may have to go back that far to start again without again having the sphaggetti monster called the ‘Rule of Law’ now gone rogue and consuming its habitat (us) under its own impetus.

  19. Anon Aus

    October 1, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    And yes I am aware this is satire in substance, the fact is the joke is very close to the truth, and that is appalling.

  20. Anthony Lowen Clarke JP KSJ EL W

    October 12, 2014 at 11:37 pm

    I am pleased to see the Labor Party has abrogated its responsibility to be an Oppostion. As Mr Kroger said on Bolt TV this morning we are now involved in an universal religious war where the Christains must win (or something similar). I can only say at this, and very very seriously, while having drunk at least two bottles of excellent red wine, that every one of those shops that diplays mens and womens garments with headless maniquinns had better very quickly get good looking guys and ladies onto those mannequins as quickly as possible. Because at the present time they look like remnants of the headless IS bodies that are consuming our media. I had one of my Sikh friends trying to show me how they do these killings and i had to turn away from the film, and then found my nearby shops had these headless mannequins which made me almost sick. Go quickly to your local stores and tell them to change the modern headless mannequin to something with heads.

  21. Andrew (Andy) Alcock

    October 13, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Well, yes, this is meant to be satire of the political status quo. However, it raises many important political issues.

    Australia has a similar situation to that in the US. The 2 major political parties are as Bruce McFarlane and Robert Catley named as “Tweedledum” and “Tweedledee”.

    There are some differences – but not many. When the US Military Industrial Complex and its extreme right wing, loony, fundamentalist Christian groups start a war or decide to support a terrorist organisation like the Indonesian military, the Israeli military, the Chilean military, Saddam Hussein or ISIS until recently (quoting Joe Biden, the current US Vice President)- both parties almost fall over themselves to get involved.

    We worry about the terrorism of ISIS, ISIL, al Qaeda etc etc, but the fundamentalist Christians in the US have been involved with wars and terrorism against many other countries from the time the original American indigenous people were defeated.

    There are some good people in the ALP, but they don’t get much of a say in determining policy. It does not matter how you spell the name Labour or Labor , it is still the same entity. Some wags suggest that Labor is the Labor Party which leaves out U (you) the ordinary members.

    It is time for progressive people who give priority to the politics of peace and social justice to make their voices heard and to resist the lies and war-mongering of the extremely right wing ruling class in this country. And, let’s not forget, these people still expect to get involved in US wars and skulduggery and for ordinary people to foot the bill.

    When Big Cigar Smoking Joe said the Age of Entitlement was over, he only meant that this applied to ordinary battlers. The people they really represent, millionaire and billionaire executives of big corporations, do not have to pay the same rate of tax (if they are paying any at all)and they won’t have to pay a special levy/tax to fund it even if they make millions out of it.

    Shorten has sold ordinary Australians down the drain on this issue. And when soldiers are sent, it will be the kids of ordinary Australians who will be expected to be the cannon fodder.

    But, we are between a rock and a hard place because the “Liberal” Party is anything, but liberal. When the British Liberal Party had much greater influence in that country, it supported programs to assist the poor, trade unionism etc