Siri Replaced By Bono

bono iphone

Users of Apple’s new iPhone were today surprised to find the well-known personal assistant, Siri, had been replaced by an aging, slightly annoying Irish man wearing a pair of orange sunglasses.

Apple this morning confirmed the added feature, which it had kept under wraps until now. “We’ve pre-inserted Bono into half a billion new iPhone devices, as a gift to Apple fans,” Apple CEO Tim Cook said today, explaining “It’s one of the reasons we had to go with a slightly bigger phone”.

The new feature has already caught many people by surprise. Sydney man Greg Blackwell said when he asked Siri for today’s temperature, he was shocked to hear a small, slightly smug voice that said, “We can’t fix all problems. But we must fix the ones we can”.

When he later asked for directions to a friend’s house he was told, “I’m just a guy from Dublin, trying to save the world”.

Sarah Adam-Jones from Adelaide said she thought her new phone was broken. “I asked for recommendations for a local bar, but instead I got a lecture about Africa”.

For breaking stories, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter. Or sign up for email updates at the bottom of this page.

7 Comments

  1. Tony

    September 19, 2014 at 8:34 am

    Well that explains a few things. I just switched on to a Christian music radio station and my phone commented, “Christians are hard to tolerate; I don’t know how Jesus does it.”

    • Joe biden

      September 20, 2014 at 3:07 am

      Love it — so true. I am a pastor btw!

      • Bruce

        September 26, 2014 at 9:57 pm

        I am an atheist and I still like it. Does that mean I will go to hell?

  2. Maybe Satire

    September 19, 2014 at 9:59 am

    Rock idol and Technology idol together. I am feeling over the moon at your splendid news – just one more reason to be inducted into the cult of Apple.

    I would write more but I am 10,123rd in the queue at Apple store – and I think the queue is moving. It’s essential I get a new iPhone – I’ve had my last one a whole year – how can I have lasted so long – thank you, Apple, for always giving me chances to buy new products – maybe this one won’t break?

    • HonestMike

      September 20, 2014 at 11:41 pm

      I bet it’s been a long while this Hewson fellow has done anything remotely ‘rock’ enough to be an ‘idol’…
      Is there such thing as an ‘MOR idol’?

      • Maybe Satire

        September 22, 2014 at 1:55 pm

        Hey! If I think technology like Apple is of idol quality then surely I can call Mr Hewson an idol – and he was also an idol politician when he was Leader of the Opposition.

  3. Tom

    September 19, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    I think Sir Bob Geldof would be better. “You want what to know what you little bleeping bleep. Bleep off.