Renewable Target: 20% Of Australia’s Electricity To Be Powered By Burning Scientific Reports

power plant

With traditional coal supplies in decline, Australia’s energy providers will be encouraged to use scientific reports as a key input to power generation, the Government announced today.

“There are thousands, probably tens of thousands of readily available scientific reports that, when burnt, will be able to provide energy to a large proportion of Australian households,” a government spokesperson said. “What we are doing is encouraging the industry to use a plentiful resource that would otherwise go to waste”.

He said scientific reports were essentially a renewable resource as there would always be scientists willing to produce new papers. “No-one else in the world is doing this. Australia really is at the forefront of new electricity production techniques,” he said.

The 20% target has been set for 2020, with report-fired power plants to come into operation from early next year.

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10 Comments

  1. Andy

    September 1, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    Only the reports that conflict with official government ideology. Discredited reports from 50 years ago should be held in reserve in case pesky folk demand proof of something.

  2. Geoff Black

    September 1, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Tony Abbott, a clean energy revolution Luddite
    Appointing a panel dominated by global warming sceptics, has given Abbott the recommendations he sought. It has given him the pretext to renege on his promises on clean energy generation, and to satisfy the coal industry lobby.

    If Luddites had headed a panel to examine the English textile industry in the early 19th Century, the world-wide Industrial Revolution may have been stopped in its tracks. Fortunately Abbott may slow the renewable energy revolution but he won’t stop it. What will Abbott and his fellow global warming sceptics do as more and more people switch to renewable energy? Will they, like the Luddites of old, start systematically smashing up windmills and solar panels around Australia?

    Reducing support for renewable energy sends the wrong signal to renewable energy investors who have invested in good faith. It is a betrayal of trust for both the investors and voters. Furthermore, Australia will now pay more to import this technology in the future.

    The voters can punish Abbott and his government for their untrustworthiness, ignorance, short sightedness and stupidity, by voting them out in 2017. But the renewable energy supply companies cannot sue the Government for damages. This seems anomalous and unjust.

  3. Mark Burley

    September 1, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    This is a terrific start. What we need to do next is to start burning the scientists. We’ll begin with those annoying climate change advocates who are scaring our children with their outrageous claims. Economists will be spared of course, especially the free market capitalists who get a handout every time they mess things up.

  4. ArghONaught

    September 2, 2014 at 9:20 am

    The Shovel has turned into a serious news journal! The Guardian had better watch its back.

  5. Butterjack Handcake

    September 2, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    I would also like to see the government utilize the poor, the elderly, the sick and the disabled as potential fuel sources.

  6. Ken Honrek

    September 2, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    Seriously? Why don’t they burn the bible first? It is becoming more and more irrelevant in the mid 21st Century.

  7. Kevin

    September 4, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    So the Abbott government does see a use for science after all.
    When the science papers run out they will start using witches.