Try-Outs For Team Australia To Start Next Month

tony abbott team australia

People wishing to join Team Australia will need to complete a range of sporting challenges, including archery, long jump and swimming, as part of new migration rules announced today.

The new program will replace the existing system, which is largely based on filling out forms.

“Migration to Australia has always had its hurdles. It’s just that now we’re asking applicants to jump them in under 15 seconds,” Prime Minister Tony Abbott said at the announcement today.

After the initial try-outs, a squad will be named from which the final team members will be selected at a special baggy green presentation ceremony.

Mr Abbott stressed that the program will be open to all races. “Everything from the 100m, right through to the marathon – so there really is something for everyone”.

For breaking stories, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter. Or sign up for email updates at the bottom of this page.

5 Comments

  1. Pauli Pariah

    August 19, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    Consistently funny

  2. Eileen Naseby

    August 20, 2014 at 9:29 am

    Athletes with triathlon experience will be granted immediate citizenship.

  3. Ernest

    August 20, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    This should be easy one,if they don’t drug test the runners. Lol

  4. Bronwyn

    August 21, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    “the program will be open to all races.” Exquisite

  5. Maybe Satire

    August 26, 2014 at 8:41 am

    The main team fund-raising activity is kidney-raffles.

    Since Mr Pyne has not been able to take them as part of the funding of his higher education policy, Team Australia is now expecting you to sell a kidney to support the Team.

    We believe that Team Australia can outstrip China or Russia in the sale of body parts, a Team Australia spokesman declared proudly today.