Link Found Between Eric Abetz And Total Fucking Stupidity

eric abetz satire

Scientists have discovered a link between Employment Minister Eric Abetz and total outright idiocy.

The link was first identified in the late 1950s, but was confirmed with overwhelming evidence in a comprehensive study undertaken this week.

“We’d always suspected there was an association between the two. But this latest study puts the question beyond doubt,” the study’s lead scientist said today.

He called on Mr Abetz to stop providing new evidence. “We’ve settled this now. It’s been tested, re-tested and peer reviewed. So there’s no need for new information, thanks”.

For breaking stories, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter. Or sign up for email updates at the bottom of this page.

16 Comments

  1. Dartz

    August 8, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    Succinct, poignant, factual – how I enjoy my journalism.

  2. david

    August 8, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    OMG

  3. Jim Strange

    August 8, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    From Wikipedia “…the scientific community has concluded that abortion does not cause breast cancer. This consensus is supported by major medical bodies,[5] including the World Health Organization,[6] the U.S. National Cancer Institute,[7][8] the American Cancer Society,[9] the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists,[10] and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.[11]”

    • David Ahel

      August 8, 2014 at 4:16 pm

      You fail to realise that in this modern day and age, it is not scientists that hold the truth but religious groups. No wonder poor old Mr Abetz is completely misunderstood.

      Which century do you think this is ?!

    • David Livingstone

      August 8, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      yeah, Jim – but what would they know? They probably voted for Obama. And another thing – they’re probably atheist commie fellow travellers.

  4. Maybe Satire

    August 8, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    Dear Mr Shovel,

    I am writing with shock and horror at the gross inaccuracies of the research you are quoting. What are you doing quoting such discredited and out-dated research.

    Recent research has shown the 50’s research to have vastly overvalued Mr Abetz. There have been shown to have many stronger contenders for the ultimate link to “Total Stupidity”. Cory Bernardi has been for a long time the most identified source but recently Mr Brandis has also been hypothesised as a primary source.

    Researchers at The University of Melbourne have recently isolated a strand of Total Stupidity that seems to be caused by the interaction of Abbott, Brandis, Bernardi and Pyne. Alarmingly this strand has proved resistant to even the highest concentrations of commonsense.

    I would hope that your website would focus more on facts.

    Yours faithfully,

    Disgusted of Altona

    • Martin

      August 9, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      You have won today’s internets!

    • julie

      August 26, 2014 at 11:00 am

      Disgusted, you seem to have totally overlooked the key evidence inextricably linking Dutton, Andrews and That German Guy to The Stupidity Strain. Also the chubby one.
      Constantly Disappointed
      Werribie

      • Maybe Satire

        August 27, 2014 at 10:00 am

        @Constantly Disappointed,

        I am alarmed at how often people make the elementary mistake of confusing the Total Stupidity strain with the Mindless Nonentity strain – alarmingly the latter strain is currently pervasive throughout parliament,

        Disgusted of Altona

  5. Panzer

    August 8, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    Almost the entire government is afflicted with this.
    I wonder who the carrier is?

    • Tim

      August 9, 2014 at 7:13 am

      Rupert Murdoch

      • The Watch

        August 9, 2014 at 8:17 am

        Loopy Roopy Murdoch seems to be the commonest carrier, his Interns regularly prescribing his farm-a-see .

    • Michael Burns

      August 9, 2014 at 7:16 am

      You cannot know how much this hurts, but I suspect the carrier is among the people who threw away power, and let this lot in.

  6. Tim

    August 9, 2014 at 7:12 am

    Ol’ Uncle Otto would be proud of you Eric!

  7. Marty

    August 10, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Ah, “Erica Betz” – doing more for the Labor party than Bob Hawke!

  8. Terry Charlton

    August 12, 2014 at 7:32 am

    Abetz makes Lambie look like Einstein. I cringe, being a Tasmanian, they are not a good look.
    Thank God for Wilkie.