Glasgow Closing Ceremony To Feature Same Clichés As Opening Ceremony, Just Deep-Fried

The closing ceremony for the 2014 Glasgow Commonwealth Games will feature the same tacky stereotypes that appeared in the Opening Ceremony, just with a layer of hot fat and oil, sources revealed today.

Based on video leaks of the dress rehearsal, a vast array of clichés – including Scottie dogs, tartan kilts, an oversized haggis, Rod Stewart, a set of bagpipes, a bottle of Scotch whiskey, and Susan Boyle will be placed in a giant vat, deep-fried and then distributed in small morsels to a ravenous audience.

“We’ve saved the best stereotype ’till last,” a spokesperson for the Games said.

The closing ceremony will take place on Sunday evening, Scottish time.

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