Corporal Punishment, 1950s To Be Reintroduced To School Curriculum

australian satire

Students who misbehave in class will be hit with a strap and told to wait in the 1950s until they are ready to learn, under sweeping changes proposed by the head of the national curriculum review Kevin Donnelly.

Under the plan, a committee of political leaders and educators who are currently living in the 1950s will be rostered on to supervise disobedient students once they arrive.

Mr Donnelly, who grew up in the 1950s and still spends much of his time there, says the plan makes sense. “When I was teaching, I used to say to misbehaving students, ‘Either you can throw the first punch and we’ll see where that ends up, or you can spend the rest of the afternoon in another era with me’.  It was very effective”.

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  1. Maybe Satire

    July 18, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    The 1950s? You must be joking! It is the 1850s that are the real font of educational wisdom! I can see that Mr Donnelly is one of those progressive touchy-feely types – what’s happened to the really good old days: a clip over the ears or a good old fashioned flogging. What he could learn from Mr Creakle’s masterful floggings of David Copperfield and others at Salem House.

    And he can get the whole syllabus from the educational expert Dr Thomas Gradafrind: “NOW, what I want is, Facts. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life. Plant nothing else,and root out everything else. You can only form the minds of reasoning animals upon Facts: nothing else will ever be of any service to them. This is the principle on which I bring up my own children, and this is the principle on which I bring up these children. Stick to Facts, sir!” This was the right way in 1854 and you can’t beat that.

  2. Maybe Satire

    July 18, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    Correction: Gradgrind not Gradafrind – just goes to show that I was molly-coddled when I went to school – can’t even spell right!!!

  3. Bill

    July 18, 2014 at 8:12 pm

    Misbehaving students will be sent to coal mines, canaries are too expensive. Women must wear long skirts and only drink in the ladies lounge. Dinner must be on the table by five.