Bigots Relieved To Have Clarity On Rights

bigot satire

Racists, misogynists and narrow-minded fanatics around Australia will go back to being assholes after a period of uncertainty about their rights.

A spokesperson for bigots’ rights group GET OUT! said it was a relief to finally have the go-ahead to be a prick. “A lot of our members have had to hide their bigotry from their work colleagues, or they’ve had to pretend to be tolerant on the sporting field. Some have even been too scared to tell family and friends. We tend to keep our opinions to ourselves and wait to make sure it’s appropriate to be bigoted – that’s our nature. But it’s a big secret to carry,” he said.

The spokesperson, who says he knew he was a bigot from the age of about fifteen, believes things have got easier in recent times. “There will always be prejudice. But I think there’s a growing acceptance in the community of cockheads”.

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  1. Candide

    March 26, 2014 at 7:06 am

    This brightened my morning. It’s great to hear that the cowering minorities of Australia have someone up there at the big end of town standing up for them and the precious right to offend.

  2. Nate

    March 26, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    Reminds me of this sketch from Darwin: Raylene the Racist

  3. Mark

    March 27, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    The bigots of Australia have been oppressed for too long. George Brandis’s speech should bring a tear to the eye of even the most hard-hearted racist a$$hole.

  4. Joy

    March 27, 2014 at 9:59 pm

    Have just discovered The Shovel and must thank you for the profundity of your features.