Qantas To Charge Extra For Smiles

Qantas satire

Under increasing pressure to halt declining revenues, Australia’s national carrier Qantas today announced the introduction of an optional ‘smile surcharge’ on all international flights.

Passengers will be able to select the new add-on for $15 when booked online or $200 at the airport.

Qantas CEO Alan Joyce said the new scheme was a win for customers looking to keep their travel costs down. “Attendants who are pre-disposed to smiling cost us more. So if you’re happy to put up with a grouchy, lower-paid hostie, then that cost saving goes directly into your pocket”.

A spokesperson for the company said Qantas Frequent Flyer Platinum members will occasionally be given free smile upgrades when there are unused smiles available on a given flight. But she warned normal customers against enquiring about free upgrades at check-in. “You may actually end up with the opposite of what you were hoping for,” she said.

*This is an edited version of on an article first published in The Shovel in 2012

The Shovel is Australia’s satire news service. For breaking stories, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.

3 Comments

  1. sozsatire

    February 27, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    You think that’s bad boys? Ryanair (probably and quite rightfully the most vilified airline on God’s green earth) actually charge you to take an in-flight dump! Farting however is still free. I know this because the fat dude next to me on a recent flight to Lisbon took full advantage of the fact.
    Nice skit btw 🙂

  2. pam

    February 28, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    If we are to be charged for smiles, why can’t we just sack Alan Joyce and then the smiles would probably be not only free, but bountiful!
    Pity the airline $$ is going down while his pay cheque is still so high! Co-incidence???

  3. Paul Whitrow

    March 4, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Why fly Quantas at all when we have a variety of services available to us by doing this we will get the shareholders to vote Alan Joyce out and bring back the smiles.