Climate Change No Longer A Threat, Reader Poll Confirms

climate change satire

Those concerned about climate change can rest easy, following a reader poll in a popular newspaper that revealed the phenomenon is no longer a serious threat.

In fact, an extensive review of public research found that the effects of climate change peaked in late 2007, with a year-on-year decline ever since.

“The work that’s been done in recent years has reduced climate change to about 40% of its previous potency, and it’s likely to fall further this year. We’re beating this thing,” one commentator explained.

Experts are hopeful that, with the help of ongoing public awareness campaigns, climate change may be eliminated altogether by 2016.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire news website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.


  1. Squirrel

    January 22, 2014 at 9:55 am

    Tony Abbott will be happy to hear this.

  2. Jenny Stirling

    January 22, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    Reality is just what you make it…

  3. Diana Husoy

    January 23, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    Oh goody!!!

  4. musteryou

    January 23, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    I think we’re making a collective breakthrough. In the meantime, there are quite a few deities who can absorb the excess of our population in fires, floods and droughts. I am happy with that.

  5. el gordo

    January 26, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    The Denialati are confident 2014 will see a tipping point into a mini ice age. This shadowy group can sometimes be found wandering the blogosphere murmuring its the sun stoopid.

    They cannot be taken seriously, climate change is real and catastrophic, and that shiny orb has a negligible effect according to the IPCC bible.

  6. el gordo

    January 27, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Sceptics are under the impression the hiatus proves CO2 has a negligible effect on temperatures, that natural variability rules and nothing untoward is happening. Nothing man made at least.

    Meanwhile kitchen table scientists, primarily the Denialati, are cherry picking every unusual cold event to back their argument of a return to little ice age conditions.

    With 97% of scientists agreeing to the warmist meme, coupled with a strong 95% endorsement by the IPCC 5th Assessment, this rebel band has a snowball’s chance in hell. Or perhaps not.

    One thing is for certain, according to one insider, CO2 is innocent of all charges laid against it ‘and its definitely not a pollutant.’

  7. cartoonmick

    January 27, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    That’s awesome news. Our children’s children will now be safe.

    In the meantime, the government (and other organisations) have committed to building the Square Kilometre array telescope in the wilderness of WA.

    The SKA was to be used in looking out for causes of climate change approaching Earth and give us early warning of such things.

    But now, it can concentrate on other mysteries, as depicted in this cartoon . . .



  8. el gordo

    January 27, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    Up until recently a covert member of the Denialati, infrared astronomer Mike Sanicola, has said nothing publicly about the effect of CO2 on climate change. Presumably he had a mortgage to attend to.

    ‘I’m retired so I don’t need to keep my mouth shut anymore. Kept my mouth shut for 40 years, now I will tell you, not one single IR astronomer gives a rats arse about CO2.

    ‘Just to let you know how stupid the global warming activists are, I’ve been to the south pole 3 times and even there, where the water vapor is under 0.2 mm precipitable, it’s still the H2O that is the main concern in our field and nobody even talks about CO2 because CO2 doesn’t absorb or radiate in the portion of the spectrum corresponding with earth’s surface temps of 220 to 320 K. Not at all.

    ‘Therefore, for Earth as a black body radiator IT’S THE WATER VAPOR STUPID and not the CO2.’

  9. el gordo

    January 27, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    * * chuckle **

    ‘Although invented by academics curious about the economic implications of climate models, social cost of carbon analysis quickly became a form of computer-aided sophistry. Its political function is to hoodwink the gullible into believing that fossil fuels are unaffordable no matter how cheap and that so-called renewable energy technologies (chiefly wind and solar power) are a bargain at any price.’

    Marlo Lewis / Global

  10. el gordo

    January 27, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    The Denialati claim this is a sign of global cooling, something to do with the jet stream in both hemispheres gone wobbly, but you won’t find that type of heresy in the Guardian where global warming reigns supreme.