Gina Rinehart Reassures Joe Hockey: “I Inherited A $47 Billion Hole Too, And Everything Turned Out Ok”

Gina rinehart satire

Mining magnate Gina Rinehart has offered Federal Treasurer Joe Hockey her support after the Coalition today announced it had inherited a multi-billion dollar budget black hole from the previous Labor Government.

“I know what it’s like to be left with an enormous hole filled with vast amounts of money,” Ms Rinehart said. “You look into the hole and you think ‘How do I sort out this mess? Who’s going to pick up the pieces?’

“But through hard work, cheap imported labour and some well-funded advertising campaigns I managed to keep my head above water. It needn’t be a cause for concern”.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire news website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.

16 Comments

  1. edward eastwood

    December 17, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    LOL 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. uloola

    December 17, 2013 at 8:40 pm

    As part of the deal Tony Boloni has agreed to best man at the wedding of Gina Ironheart and Rupert Murdocracy,that way she will have the money and the mouthpiece.

  3. Gina

    December 17, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    Black holes prevent anything escaping it’s gravity. The gravity of this situation is that Joe looks into the hole and thinks; “I can’t seem to escape the mess that I’m in. I might as well make it a lot worse for us all.”

  4. olddavey

    December 17, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    Joe could shove a suppository of wisdom in it.

    • KazD

      January 3, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      I was going to type a witty reply, but couldn’t stop laughing long enough! Thankyou, and keep em coming!

  5. Steveo

    December 18, 2013 at 6:14 am

    fuckin Joe Hockey. which one of you morons voted these dickheads in?

  6. Peter Scott

    December 18, 2013 at 8:16 am

    Well said Steveo? It’s pretty hard to find anyone who’ll admit to that at the moment!

    • stylesie

      December 18, 2013 at 10:48 am

      People I speak to who I know voted for Liberal bring out the “Labour had to go and there were no other alternatives” excuse.
      I blame Labour for making it easy for a coalition win.
      Those morons gave it away and we take the consequences.

  7. fifty5words

    December 18, 2013 at 9:14 am

    This is GOLD!

  8. Worried-of-Sydney

    December 18, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    I don’t think it’s fair – the Abbot government is making Shovel’s job too easy! They mine up new sources of satire each day and use the reductio ad absurdum strategy to make every part of their government a joke,

    Or is it more sinister – are they trying to eliminate all satarists by making satire look too sensible? Can The Shovel survive?

    • Worried-of-Sydney

      December 18, 2013 at 4:39 pm

      Not only satarists but satirists also.

  9. uloola

    December 18, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    Gina has offered one of her defunct iron ore holes to Tony Boloni so that he can fill it with broken promises,but it might not be deep enough.
    Fortunately there is no truth in the rumour that Ms Ironheart is to become the next Governor General.

  10. TheBBG

    December 19, 2013 at 7:37 am

    When one gets it so right it is no longer funny. A buffoon who inherited what she has and seemingly has a grudge against everyone is what she is, and this reflects it oh too well.

  11. uloola

    December 19, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    Please don’t mock dear Gina she’s my favourite Sociopath.
    Apparently the rumour that Gina will pay off the budget deficit if she is allowed to buy Western Australia are true.

  12. keskersay

    January 2, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    Thought I was reading about Gina the pole dancer not Gina the poll dancer.

  13. Rebecca

    April 2, 2014 at 11:33 pm

    You’d think with all her billions she could afford a gym membership and a face lift.