NBN To Be Powered Entirely By Malcolm Turnbull’s Popularity

malcolm turnbull satire

The Government today announced that it would cut all funding to the national broadband rollout and instead power the network directly with Communication Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s charm.

A spokesperson for the Government said the new policy was both fiscally responsible and politically prudent. “Malcolm has already managed to convince a majority of Australians that an inferior, underfunded broadband network is actually in their interests, simply by using a clever turn of phrase and a cheeky smile. We thought we should channel all that energy and charisma directly into Australian homes and save around $40 billion in the process.”

The Turnbull broadband, which is expected to reach speeds of up to 60 kmph, is already creating excitement in Australian neighbourhoods. Sydney resident Greta Bryant said she would be ‘first in line’ to sign up for the Turnbull-powered service. “This is the broadband Australians really want”.

Mr Turnbull will be plugged into the network as early as tomorrow.

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11 Comments

  1. pGoo

    December 16, 2013 at 10:33 am

    Meanwhile back in the studio, Turnbull’s been dropping lines for his upcoming debut album:

    “I got 99 Billions but an NBN ain’t one!”

  2. edward eastwood

    December 16, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    I suppose when the householder reaches the limit of their download plan, they’ll unplug Malcolm and plug in Hunt or Pyne or Kevin Andrews – now there’s a live wire!

  3. Jack

    December 16, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    Abbott’s plan to eradicate Turnbull’s popularity by saddling him with the destruction of the NBN is now complete.

  4. Reilly

    December 16, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    Sorry this just doesn’t work as satire..sure good satire has to mimic the truth, but this so close to the truth that if Tony Abbott sees it , it will be straight into the policy pamphlet.

    • Gina

      December 16, 2013 at 8:53 pm

      Haha! So true.

  5. Malcom for pope!

    December 16, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Remember Kids….. Malcolm didn’t just invent the internet, he is the internet

  6. Word Journeyer

    December 17, 2013 at 1:19 am

    Meanwhile education is already powered by Christopher Pyne’s contempt for disadvantaged peoples.

  7. olddavey

    December 17, 2013 at 9:44 pm

    Ziggy is going to have 60,000 Malcolm clones made and install one in each node as the power supply. Should be something good to drive your car into.

  8. keskersay

    January 2, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    Nobody nodes the trouble were in. Any replies please send by post I’m in a regional area.

  9. KazD

    January 3, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    Disappointed that there aren’t any “they have to deal with the mess Labor made..” flavoured comments in here. 🙁

    • olddavey

      January 6, 2014 at 4:28 pm

      Kaz, this one’s for you. Enjoy.

      They have to deal with the mess Labor made.