Paul Keating Almost Certainly The Best, Most Humble Prime Minister Ever, Says Paul Keating

Paul Keating satire

Most of the significant human achievements of the past fifty years were the brainchild of Paul Keating, Paul Keating has revealed.

The stunning admissions came during a televised quiz show in which the former Prime Minister was a contestant.

A transcript of the quiz follows …

Quiz Master: Mr Keating, welcome to the show.

Paul Keating: Thank you, it’s good to be here.

QM: An easy one to start with. Who was responsible for the last 22 years of economic growth in Australia?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. And in China?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. Not everyone has benefited from the sustained economic growth. Who’s fault was that?

PK: Not Paul Keating’s.

QM: Correct. And when those people finally do benefit from the economic growth, that will be the work of?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. To science now. Who discovered the Higgs Boson Particle?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. And who invented those amazing Dyson hand dryers that dry your hands in under ten seconds?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. Australia’s victory in the first test in Brisbane would not have been possible without?

PK: Paul Keating.

QM: Correct. My coffee this morning was watery and weak. Who was responsible for that?

PK: Bob Hawke.

QM: Correct. And the final question, who invented the internet?

PK: Paul Keating?

QM: No I’m sorry that’s incorrect. The answer was Malcolm Turnbull.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.

10 Comments

  1. nettythe1st

    December 4, 2013 at 10:44 am

    Gotta give him credit .. Paul Keating was pretty good .. until he got that last question wrong! (PS I love PK)

  2. Ed @ The Tunnel

    December 4, 2013 at 10:59 am

    All that talk that Paul was the most important Beatle finally makes sense

  3. Squirrel

    December 4, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    I like it. Shades of Clarke and Dawe in the format, but what is a “Minster”? Is it that Paul Keating is so humble that he removes the “i” from Prime Minister?

    • The Shovel

      December 4, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      Either that or he thinks he’s a cathedral. Thanks for the heads up though. Correction made. 😉

  4. cartoonmick

    December 4, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    …. not to forget all those fantastic songs from Peter Paul and Mary..

  5. Greg

    December 4, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    Yes we should be lighting candles in his honour

  6. uloola

    December 5, 2013 at 8:08 am

    Saint Paul, the patron saint of Bankstown.The ambassador to the Banana republic,whose motto is “the older I get the better i used to be”
    After he passes on who will wind up all those French Renaissance clocks ?

  7. Mark

    December 6, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    Amazingly high opinion of himself, but i can probably agree with his reputed statement about the best way to see Darwin is from 35,000 feet on your way to Paris… :o)

  8. Davo

    December 10, 2013 at 6:22 am

    I hear he’s also written a book called ‘The World’s top 100 most humble people – and how I taught them’.

  9. katheen tangney

    February 9, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    WOULD MR. KEATING P L E A S E ESTABLLISH A RADIO STATION
    PLAYING NON STOP
    THE MUSIC HE FOUND SO THERAPEUTIC
    A N D ALL THE UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED
    POPULAR C L A S S I C S …
    N O T THE USUALLY ESOTERIC STUFF ON RN..
    WE BADLY NEED A BREAK FROM ALL THE
    PRACTICALLY NON STOP VERBAL DIARRHOEA
    DISHED OUT TO US TODAY