Being Shit At Cricket Again ‘Like Putting On An Old, Warm Jumper’ English Fans Say

Ashes 2013 satire

England fans say being 537 runs behind after three days of play feels better than they expected.

“It feels warm and familiar,” said Terry Ford from Manchester. “Dominating Australia for the best part of ten years was new and different. But it wasn’t really me. I’m secretly hoping we get humiliated again in Adelaide”.

Bill Barry from London said it feels like just yesterday that England were habitually annihilated by Australia. “When Warner arrogantly put one back over the bowler’s head for six, I thought ‘I remember this’. And then Clarke did the same thing and it all came flooding back. It’s a very safe, cosy feeling not to have any expectations”.

Australian fan Tony Verity said it was a relief Australia was playing well again. “The bulk of my self esteem is dangerously tied up in how well Australia does at sport, so the last few days have been more important than you probably realise”.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.


  1. Sam

    November 24, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    I have been sledging as many English mates as possible. It’s been ages and I don’t know when I’m going to get this chance again.

  2. A creepy internet aussie

    November 25, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    england did there best but unfortunately were complete rubbish

  3. thepotatodiet

    November 26, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    Well it was a pasting but the Gabba is idiosyncratic, no touring team has won there since the mid-80s. Perth is similar but Adelaide will give a truer indication of the relative form. Only Australia could get all up in your face after winning their first test in ten matches against you.

    • Boony

      December 10, 2013 at 12:39 pm

      If Adelaide is a true indication, then the poms are well and truly in the shitter.
      Looking forward to Perth.

  4. Satisfied Pom

    December 10, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    It’s all true, I finally feel rested and satisfied. We are back in familiar territory. The last few years were fun though….

  5. Sam

    December 11, 2013 at 3:22 am

    Yes! Warm and snuggly jumper

  6. fifty5words

    December 13, 2013 at 10:03 am

    And today we have the wacca… ahhh welcome home England!