Indonesia To Shut Down Bali

kuta beach indonesia

Bali will be packed up and put away in a very high, hard to find cupboard, until Australia can learn how to apologise, it was revealed today.  

The decision to take away one of Australia’s favourite things comes after other threats – such as downgrading the relationship and cutting off military co-operation – weren’t taken seriously.

Indonesia’s President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono admitted it was a tough punishment, but said it was his last resort. “They just weren’t listening. I know Bali is very special to Australians, so hopefully this will give them some time to think about their actions”.

Mr Yudhoyono wouldn’t say how long the holiday island would be confiscated for. “We’ll have to wait and see how Australia behaves,” he said.

Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott said he was considering doing something back, but ruled out recalling Australia’s ambassador in Indonesia. “I can’t recall the ambassador,” he said this morning. “I mean, I literally can’t remember the guy’s name”.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.

163 Comments

  1. edward eastwood

    November 21, 2013 at 8:45 am

    How true…

  2. stu

    November 21, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Perhaps they could store Bali in George Brandis’ bookshelves

  3. Mark Chilton

    November 21, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Bali’s a Shit hole anyway who cares!!

    • Nicole

      November 23, 2013 at 10:45 pm

      Well if it “is”… Which it obviously is not, have you thought, it could have something to do with the ‘bogan Ozzie’… Oh clever articulate genius

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:13 pm

      You visit shit holes?

    • think

      November 24, 2013 at 9:35 pm

      maybe you should care more about what really is the issue here,,instead of talking about bali..how about WHY THE HELL WOULD AUSTRALIA EVEN BE INTERESTED IN HACKING INDONESIAN PRESIDENT CELLPHONE!
      yes because this is too hard to even think about for people like you

      • Dexter Arnold

        November 24, 2013 at 9:58 pm

        More think please, you’re only up to thunk.

    • Ryan

      November 29, 2013 at 8:02 pm

      The exact same thought that came up my mind when i read this article…

    • Helioptile (@AUS_Helioptile)

      December 8, 2013 at 12:52 am

      Hear, hear. It’s scary and full of pirated crap and illegal DVD’s.

  4. Anne

    November 21, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    oh dear… banning holidays to Bali would really make people sit up and listen

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:14 pm

      Maybe we should ban Satire and people would sit up and listen to what that’s all about.

  5. you are an insult to the human race

    November 21, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    Filthy little hypocrites are just makin a show to allow for more leverage.
    It’s a end of term re-election show of “leadership” to secure his position.
    Isn’t it funny how they refused to answer when they were asked if Indonesia was also spying on Australia……… No comment means yes in politics.

    • Mr man

      November 21, 2013 at 11:33 pm

      its a joke

      • beemay063

        November 22, 2013 at 12:57 pm

        I don’t think people understand satire LOL

      • SZ

        November 22, 2013 at 8:28 pm

        Maybe he’s playing along!

    • steve

      November 24, 2013 at 11:42 am

      Good point, scew them, we dont need them.
      thailand is much better anyway

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:15 pm

      There should be more spying. I think we should spy heavily on Satire so that we understand for ourselves what it’s all about in very great detail indeed.

  6. Olwyn

    November 21, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    The Indonesian government has a short memory… how about not giving the mass murderers of Australians, preferential and lenient treatment??? How about an apology for bombing our arses and doling out some serious consequence. Their ‘you’re rubbish, but we’ll gladly take your tourism dollars’ gives me the shits. They can shove Bali where the sun doesn’t shine, who cares.

    • Linda

      November 22, 2013 at 3:10 pm

      Well said!

    • Lorelle

      November 22, 2013 at 9:11 pm

      I’ll second that!! They are only shooting themselves in the foot by shelving Bali! How childish can a county’s leader get!!

      • Lorelle

        November 22, 2013 at 9:16 pm

        “satirically” speaking!!

    • Rob

      November 23, 2013 at 10:30 am

      “Bali will be packed up and put away in a very high, hard to find cupboard”. Looks like they are going to shove Bali where the sun doesn’t shine Olwyn.

    • think

      November 24, 2013 at 9:38 pm

      until you prove that indonesian government BOMBED the shit of australian arses on purpose you can ask their apology! how ignorant, its about australian government hacking the president of Indonesia.. if you stop thinking about whats the real issue, you should stop procreating!

  7. Gill

    November 21, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    But what will become of Rhonda and Ketut?

    • Tony Catz Catania

      November 22, 2013 at 6:56 am

      ketut kuput for sure now ronda ha ha

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:16 pm

      Ketut is here for the reunion. Maybe it will leave him stranded.

  8. daniel mcmahon

    November 21, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    Banning an island that thrives on tourism. /ponder

    • OD

      November 22, 2013 at 9:11 am

      It literally says ‘satire’ at the bottom of the article, you moron.

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      Ponder… harder.

  9. Nat

    November 21, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    Grow up politians it is people’s livelihoods you are playing with!

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:19 pm

      An anagram of livelihood is hoodie-vill, which is what Bali becomes when we visit, I’m sure they could find a better market to service if all this satire doesn’t destroy them first.

      • KazD

        January 3, 2014 at 2:46 pm

        Stop it, i’m getting a stitch! :)

  10. B

    November 21, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    we will find a new holiday spot and spend all our money there.. you snooze you lose indonesia

    • Woofie

      November 22, 2013 at 1:45 am

      Yes! We can always revamp Rotto!! :)

  11. megan holly

    November 22, 2013 at 12:42 am

    oh please grow up all of you…

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:21 pm

      Don’t let them grow up too soon, there’s something special about children with mullets and a single earring that’s almost not quite in any way close to endearing.

  12. Margret Nankervis

    November 22, 2013 at 1:28 am

    The only people to suffer here would be the locals. Tourism is their main industry. Surely this can be resolved some other way. Australians love Bali and the locals…. Please don’t make them suffer

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:26 pm

      Yeah, darned straight, even though Tourism is their second smallest income generator beating out only electricity production, that will teach them, maybe we’ll stop trading with them entirely and that will affect them even though we aren’t even in the top 5 trade partners, but you know what, unless we get this resolved, screw them and their second smallest income production and our almost non-existant trade, that will screw them up almost not quite at all BIG TIME. I know that’s a lot of commas but why waste my full stops on them, we already wasted enough Satire today.

  13. Wayne Irvine

    November 22, 2013 at 3:15 am

    What do they mean we’re not listening? Wasn’t that the reason we got into trouble in the first place?

    • haitch

      November 23, 2013 at 2:44 pm

      Too funny Wayne :)))

    • Cheryl Maclean

      November 24, 2013 at 7:32 am

      So by hurting your own tourism industry you are teaching Australia a lesson lol…maybe you should look at the big picture!! Maybe we should start withdrawing our benefits to you! Silly immature man you belong in kinder not politics..your dummy spit behaviour represents your countries attitude

  14. mrharmony60

    November 22, 2013 at 4:44 am

    um..do some of these bloggers posting comments get that The Shovel is satire?

    • Jamie

      November 23, 2013 at 5:54 pm

      Yes, some of them do.

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:29 pm

      Need a bigger Shovel so that we can bury our dead education system.

  15. T.G.

    November 22, 2013 at 6:53 am

    I find it hilarious how stupid some people can be…and I’m talking about the people commenting. This is a SATIRE, it even says so in the title of the page for the website. Go pick up a dictionary morons. If you really are that dumb you’re not worthy of travel anyway.

  16. Kerri Supariyata

    November 22, 2013 at 6:56 am

    To some of us Bali isn’t just a holiday destination. What about those of us married to Balinese who have family there..

    • OD

      November 22, 2013 at 9:12 am

      I don’t know. Maybe those people should learn what ‘satire’ means.

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:32 pm

      Maybe you can get them all to visit the website and then explain it to you, I’m hoping two or more heads might be better than one.

  17. Tony Catz Catania

    November 22, 2013 at 6:57 am

    ther would be NO bali if it wasent for the ozyssssssssssssssssss

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:35 pm

      You’re right, it totally would not exist. I’m almost certain that despite being inhabited since 2000 BC there’s no way it existed prior to colonisation in 1788 AD.

  18. Greg

    November 22, 2013 at 8:03 am

    It’s amazing how many people seem not to realize what satire is…

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:37 pm

      It’s what those huge tailpipes on a disproportionately tiny car is called, isn’t it?

  19. mackdownunder

    November 22, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Reading the comments of dumbass Abbott apologists (who don’t realise they are trolling a satire website) is as funny as the article.

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:38 pm

      Can’t read a dictionary, but can use a computer.

      A good argument for why nukes are a bad idea.

  20. astan

    November 22, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Yeah good on ya indo whats up Thailand

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:39 pm

      After reading the comments here, if they have any sense they will ACTUALLY close, because they are going to become a preferred destination.

  21. rebeccah

    November 22, 2013 at 10:44 am

    have ur Bali…. bunch off sooks

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:42 pm

      Surely Bali is the only place on the planet that people visit? You’re not suggesting people might go to a place where they can ride a Gondola, dance in Lederhosen, see the Mona Lisa, photograph a Lion, climb mountains or visit Windmills are you? Because that might blow their minds. In a very tiny explosion, granted.

  22. Anniebel

    November 22, 2013 at 11:12 am

    Well that will teach us all a lesson, guess we will just take our business some place better , to the many and varied awesome places run by people who care and welcome us with appreciation… Good luck with trying to kick start your tourism industry again without Australians to suppor you……. Cutting YOUR nose off to spite YOUR face works for us just Gand!!!!!!

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:43 pm

      Too right, nothing like a Gandiose gesture to sort them out.

    • KazD

      January 3, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      Somebody had better remember to tell all the Germans, Dutch, English, Japanese etc to turn the lights off in Bali when they leave, then!

  23. Rhonda

    November 22, 2013 at 11:25 am

    No more sunrise! :(

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:44 pm

      I bet that knocked you cold off those lovely pedal feet of yours.

  24. Leishy_lou

    November 22, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Ah aha so many people completely missed the mark….. Satire people! Look it up, google it, u may learn something

  25. mackdownunder

    November 22, 2013 at 11:51 am

    Yay, more dumbasses! I think the dumbass tally is up to 12. The criterion for counting is people who are definitely too much of a dumbass to know what this is. (Possible use of irony doesn’t count in the tally.) Keep it up Australia – we can win gold in the dumbass Olympics!

    • Meg Francies

      November 22, 2013 at 5:17 pm

      Hahhahahhaahahahahahahahhahahaahhahaha funniest thing I have read all day!

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      A lot of them already seemed to have won the Lead Medal.

  26. mackdownunder

    November 22, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    Dumbass tally now 14.

  27. Morgan

    November 22, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    If it’s not embarrassing enough that Australian’s run riot in Bali making us look like idiots, our Prime Minister can’t remember the name of Australia’s ambassador in Indonesia…. Mr Abbott you really should have been on the phone to him prior to doing a press interview trying to sort out this mess!

    • Rob

      November 23, 2013 at 10:34 am

      You’re right Morgan. He really should pay much more attention to detail.

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:48 pm

      Yeah, Morgan. But it occurs to me that you might not know his name either without looking it up. Give my regards to Mr Abbott when you do.

  28. mackdownunder

    November 22, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    Dumbass tally now 15.

    • Leanne Moore

      November 22, 2013 at 1:44 pm

      Geez man you are really caught up with the meaning of the word SATIRE…..just relax and go with the flow and enjoy the comments…..have a laugh, after all, it’s SATIRE :)

  29. carl pinner

    November 22, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    What a great way to hurt Bali’s people. Pretty sure you enjoy Australia’s money that is spent in Bali. IDIOTS.

    • ckenny

      November 22, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      Dumbass tally is now 16.

    • jess

      November 23, 2013 at 2:23 pm

      Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face. I think Indonesia will be hurt by this more than Australia. I say do it they’ll flip flop within a month once the economy collapses. While were at it lets cut all foreign aid and refuse illegal boats that’ll stuff em right up. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you moron.

      • Mahonny

        November 24, 2013 at 8:55 am

        Ok a) it’s not illegal to come to Australia by boat and seek asylum you ignorant twat, and b) this is a satire! It even says so at the top ffs!

  30. Mathew Palumbo

    November 22, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    And what cupboard do they think they’ll hide it in exactly? I bet there isn’t one big enough in the whole world. Silly Indonesia, you’re not smart like us. Or Tony Abbott

    • Byronbliss

      November 22, 2013 at 5:20 pm

      I am embarrassed to call myself an Australian in Bali, seeing the way Aussies conduct themselves over there. Wake up Australia, there’s more to life than Bintang.

      • mackdownunder

        November 22, 2013 at 6:03 pm

        18

      • Jamie

        November 23, 2013 at 5:56 pm

        A lot of Aussies conduct themselves pretty poorly in Byron, too?

  31. icis

    November 22, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    love the last one…..”can’t even remember the ambassador name” LOL. I guess people really don’t know what satire means….or they just read the title and post comment to make them look smart.

  32. steve

    November 22, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    Reading these comments i have lost my faith in humanity. How stupid are these ppl posting their political opinions on a satirical article, especially when it states “The Shovel is Australia’s satire website”

  33. Grant Kirkby

    November 22, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    Apologise , blame Rudd/ Gillard and get then get over it mr abbott, ps before January please coz I’m booked

  34. Daydreamer

    November 22, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    I find this extremely hilarious! I enjoyed the dumb-ass comments almost as much as the satirical article.

    • Bali High

      December 4, 2013 at 5:08 pm

      I am afraid to say it the emotional comments are actually funnier than the article which was not a Shovel classic – although it is perhaps a winner in finding the humourless sector of our community.

  35. BBB

    November 22, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    Oh no! I hope they can find a cupboard big enough to hide Bali in……

  36. udi

    November 22, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    If it wasn’t obvious that this was satire, the line. “The Shovel is Australia’s satire website.” at the end of the article, should have given it away.

  37. Tony

    November 22, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    Where will bogans buy their bintang singlets from now?

    • Dexter Arnold

      November 24, 2013 at 3:58 pm

      Same place the Indonesian buy the ones they sell, China.

  38. Katie

    November 22, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    OMFG …… I am laughing from the comments that have been posted, more so than the story!!!

  39. Meg Francies

    November 22, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    Hahaha to all the people who have lost faith in humanity I understand you and feel your pain. Everyone needs to get some cannabis into them so they can laugh and enjoy life more instead of moping around being a loser posting political gibbly gob all over the internet

  40. cammo

    November 22, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    These comments are the best thing I’ve ever read. Haha, I love satire!!

  41. C

    November 22, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    I love how people read this and legitimately think it is true.

  42. Dane Porter

    November 22, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    I can’t believe how many people believe this is real.

  43. graceeliz

    November 22, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    I quite agree – the comments are just as funny as the article! It’s interesting how people with such strong opinions don’t know what satire means – almost as funny as putting articles about Drop Bears and Hoop Snakes on facebook and watching people get excited…

    • DragonWytch

      November 25, 2013 at 10:58 pm

      Hoop snakes? I’ve not heard of them! I had my son believing in Drop Bears…when he was about 3, he realized it was crap…but my 50 yr old friends from overseas still believe in them! You’ll have to explain Hoop Snakes to me, so I can stir them up a bit more! lololol

  44. Glenn

    November 22, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    Just reading the comments on this website, it is utterly amazing how many people have been sucked in by this. Mind you, maybe Clive Palmer could buy it and move it to his Queensland resort at Coolum. Hahahaha.

  45. satire

    November 22, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    Australians are so damn stupid lol. No wonder we are frown upon in the backpackers community

  46. mick

    November 22, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    i thought bali was in australia??

    • mick

      November 22, 2013 at 9:23 pm

      only thought that because aussies go there to hang out with other aussies.
      google has righted me.

  47. phil

    November 22, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    I can’t believe how many people can’t believe how many people don’t understand this is satire!

    • jay

      November 28, 2013 at 7:19 am

      feel your pain, and yes, aussies are frowned upon in the backpackers community

  48. Jan

    November 22, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    If they shut down Bali, where will all the Bali people live? Maybe they could get in boats and come to Australia :)

    • Bali High

      December 4, 2013 at 5:12 pm

      Like it! Sounds like just the solution Scott Morrison would like?

  49. patricia

    November 22, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    as indonesian, no comment lol

  50. iszman

    November 23, 2013 at 3:08 am

    How true is this and when will it take effect?

    • Rob

      November 23, 2013 at 10:24 am

      It is true. It will take effect as soon as they can find a cupboard big enough to put Bali in.

      • Bali High

        December 4, 2013 at 5:14 pm

        It is absolutely true – they have found the cupboard already.. Be warned!

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